I am VERY sad, as my cooking friend for next weekend has been called
 out of town, so I'm staying at her house but we will NOT be having our
 fabulous dinner party. Boo and hoo.

 My ex emailed me a day or so ago, "I know you gave me the recipe for
 your tortilla soup but I've lost the recipe book and I'm jonesing for
 it." I wrote it in a style that reflected our cooking relationship:

 3 boxes Swanson's Organic Chicken Broth Yes, it has to be organic. I
 know the minimart didn't have it. Don't buy food at the minimart.

 1 onion, diced. Smaller than that.

 couple of cloves garlic, diced, or a tablespoon of that chopped garlic
 used by Poles and other infidels

 1 tablespoon of cumin seeds (not powder! powder nasty!) mashed up with
 a mortar and pestle. The rock, with the rock stick.

 leetle bit of oregano, like oh, a tablespoon, smushed. Did you wash
 your hands?

 1 can Rotel tomatoes (Yeah the velveeta dip tomatoes)

 Chicken breasts (Heh. She said 'breasts.' Heh.)

 Fresh or frozen corn, couple of cups

 Put a little olive oil into a soup pan and saute the onion until soft.
 Add the garlic at the last minute, if it cooks too long it becomes
 bitter. Throw in the cumin and oregano with the garlic, saute for about
 a minute or so. Add chicken broth and Rotel. Put 3 or 4 chicken
 breasts in, simmer for thirty or forty minutes until chicken is done.
 (I always throw in the whole bag, and kept the extra poached ones for
 other stuff.) Remove chicken breasts from soup pan. Use hand blender to
 puree soup in pan. Add corn. That's too much. Do you think we're MADE
 of corn?

 Shred chicken breasts by hand. Don't just hack them into huge rude
 cubes. (You lazy beast! I'm watching you! Aiggghhhhh... must. have.
 complete culinary control... ack. Thud.)

 Slice a number of flour tortillas into strips. Heat peanut oil in a
 skillet (olive oil not good at high temp). When the oil is hot, add the
 tortilla strips in batches, giving them a little room. Drain on paper
 towels. Oh, for Christ's sake put a PLATE under the paper towels.

 Put chicken breasts and tortilla strips in the bottom of bowl, ladle
 hot soup over. Garnish with shredded cheddar, avocado, chopped
 cilantro, jalapeno peppers, and White Death's first cousin, yummy yummy
 sour cream. I know sour cream looks like mayo. It tastes nothing like
 mayo. Then don't put any in yours! Look. I'm licking the sour cream
 spoon.... Eat it in good health. Go and jones no more.