Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
E-mail from Sean Michaels:

While I do echo your settlements that fractals are way-cool (especially
when you begin to understand their significance, besides as psychedelic
pictures), I must unfortunately assure you that the "Father of Fractals",
Benoit Mandelbrot, is most certainly not. I had the privilege of hearing
him speak at the Canadian Conference for Creativity, and he was among the
most boring, long-winded, incoherent, and un-self-aware (is that a word?)
lecturers I have ever met. He was supposed to speak for an hour, spoke for
almost two, and had the entire audience (of scientists, artists, musicians,
writers and civil servants) groaning in the aisles.

Oh well. The agony of that lecture was more than made up by the (cut short)
satellite discussion between Sir Arthur C. Clarke and Canadian filmmaker
Don McKellar... oh, and the panel with the co-inventor of the bucky ball,
native american architect douglas cardinal, and pinchas zukerman, conductor
& violinist extraordinaire. No sign of you, though, Neil. I guess you're
not Canadian enough (ice hotel or no).

Sean

 
  

    
Jen -- you know, I meant to (and thought I had, but I was pretty tired
by that point) give the duck to Michelle or Trevor or one of the
thingies manning the barricades at the LA CBLDF stop. By that point I'd
drawn on the eyes and signed it. I'll see if I came back with it -- if
I did, I expect Lorraine would have thought it was a gift and either
given to Maddy or made it go and live in the basement where the strange
stuff goes. 

(It scares me sometimes how much stuff in that basement would go for
on ebay, if ever I wanted to clear out the space.)

...

Apropos of nothing, I learned today that DC has just bought Stardust
back into print with a new cover. I've not seen it, and they don't have
it listed on Amazon, but I mention this for anyone who wanted a copy.
It's apparently not oversized any more, as that would have whacked
another $10 on the price.

...

Len -- I think that a Delirium should be made of brightly coloured
things that don't mix, and be served in a glass with a plastic flamingo
in it and a flower.

..

Linda -- there must be someone in your area who'd lend you the books.
The Bay Area is filled with nice people who want nothing more than for
people to read their Sandman collections.

...

Sean -- I assumed that Mandelbrot was a twerp when Alan told me he'd
got a call from him, asking him not to call the project then entitled
The Mandelbrot Set that (it became Big Numbers) as he was having enough
trouble getting it taken seriously by the maths establishment, and if
he lent his name to a comic it would destroy all his credibility.
Twerp.

I saw a mini-documentary about the canadian creativity conference on a
plane recently, and phoned my friend Mark Askwith and said "It seemed
everyone being interviewed was someone you know, I kept looking for you
and couldn't see you, though. Were you there?" and he said "Oh yes. I
was directing the documentary."

He's told me great things about the Canadian Literary Festival in
October, and I'd love to go to that, if they ask me.
  

    
I don't know why I'm typing this, probably just out of it.  Sean's
reference to bucky balls made me flash back to high school quiz bowl. 
The answer to a question in this particular match was bucky balls.  We
got it right, the moderator said "wrong" and the other team answered
with a truly wrong answer.  Then the moderator said "the answer is
bucky balls" at which point we explained that this is what we had
answered.  So the moderator says "Ohhhh... I thought you said _monkey
balls_"  Anyway, back to homework...

Jen, who discovered this evening how truly hard it is to open a
coconut.
  

    
I'm with Jouni, I want on the X-mas list too... although, if the story
sees print before x-mas, I'd much rather just see it then. :)

Len - A group of friends of mine have been trying to create the
perfect "Elephant Spunk" since ThingieCon I (1999). All we've
determined is that it should have Malibu in it. If you come up with
something, please let me know. In the meantime, one of my friends
renamed the 'gothette' to 'spooky death' after I told him that a few
people invented a drink to name after me <rolled eyes here>. It's
served in a cordial and consists of 2 parts blue curacao, 2 parts
kahlua (however it's spelled) and 1 part vodka (so it's not total
syrup). The alternate was the 'perki gothette' ('perki death?') which
used Chambourd instead of blue curacao.

Linda - If you don't mind a little Burning Man dust, I've got my
loaner copies of the entire series. And I'm even on the right side of
the bay! :) My only request is that I get them back by August (need to
take them to camp with me again).

Sean - Well, the program was on the Mandelbrot Set and the beauty of
the equation itself, less on Mandelbrot. Made a point of saying that
while Mandelbrot's equation is probably the most famous, it's only one
of a great many in the study of fractals in general. The more I hear
about and from Mandelbrot, the less I think of his greatness. Arthur C.
Clarke, on the other hand. :)

Neil - Duck? Um, bunnies I'm aware of, but the only duck I know of is
in my friend's bathtub. His name is 'Ditzy'... I think. And I'm
starting to think DC is conspiring against my bank account on this
Stardust thing. Can it be released in any more formats? 

Jen - the problem isn't in opening the coconut. Any good hammer will
do. The problem is in opening it and keeping the contents from spilling
and splashing everywhere. (learned this the fun and messy
way)<homer>"you put the beer in the coconut and throw the can
away"</homer>

squeaks, who is often teased for her Canadian accent, tho' she's never
lived in Canada.
  

    
So... here's a question for you all.

I finished reading CHARMED LIFE, by Diana Wynne Jones, to Maddy
tonight. Tomorrow, we start on Mary Poppins as her bedtime book. I
thumbed through the edition on her shelf. I noticed the story BAD
TUESDAY had been revised. I went down to my office and pulled my copy
of Mary Poppins down from the shelf and read Bad Tuesday, unrevised.

The original version of Bad Tuesday has a magic compass in it. It
takes Mary Poppins North to an Eskimo family, South to a black family
on an African Island, East to a Chinese mandarin and West to an
American Indian family. In each case, well written and conjured, and
not entirely unstereotypical, but certainly not offensive. At the end
of the story Michael gets hold of the compass and calls "north south
east and west" and sees all the people he has met coming at him with
weapons -- fish spears and tomahawks and so on, and then is rescued by
Mary Poppins.

P.L. Travers decided somewhere along the line that this was
irredeemably offensive, but rather than take out anything about the
people she found offensive, she replaces all the people with some very
blandly written animals -- polar bears and dolphins and such, and then
has Michael imagine the animals are coming for him, only to be rescued
by Mary Poppins.

Now, as a parent, I'm perfectly capable of explaining to
Maddy-aged-six that these characters aren't real, and that the word
negro is currently considered both offensive and patronising (although
it wasn't when the Mary Poppins stories were written)... but it was
obvious that the author didn't want people reading that story any more.
 On the other hand, what she replaced it with is poorly written and
lacks the magic the original had.

So, what would you do? Read the original, read the revised version, or
skip that story entirely?


...........

Michelle -- well, if I didn't give the duck to you... I dunno. I'll
ask Lorraine.

Jen= two holes in the soft round bits at the top let you pour out the
coconut milk. Then wrap the coconut in a dishtowel and hit it with a
hammer.
  

    
>>So, what would you do? Read the original, read the revised version,
or skip that story entirely?>>

An easy question! Read the original. Give Maddy a chance to enjoy the
story as it was written, and then talk to her about anything you feel
needs to be clarified or politically corrected.

Jade
  

    
Neil--Now that's tough.  I think I'm going to have to go with Jade,
though.  Maybe you could read both to Maddy, along with the explanation
of why it was changed.  I am trying to remember which version was read
to me.  I'm pretty sure that there were no dolphins involved...

Would write more but I think that sleep sounds better and better every
second.

Angelina.
  

    
Email from Scott Conner:


Rick Berry's panel/interview with Charles at BosKone was fantastic.  Rick
is quite the insightful interviewer and asked far more interesting
questions than the standard.  It was fun to see Charles' reaction to words
like "phylogenetic memory" .  Rick has a neat outlook/theory about
phylogenetic memory in regards to the creative arts.  Hopefully, someone
recorded and/or transcribed the whole discussion.

It was refreshing for me to see two artists that are different
stylistically have a real appreciation for each other's art.  Chatting
with them in the bar late into the wee hours of the morning was fun stuff.

Another Gaiman/Vess collaboration is always a good thing!  Speaking of
Norse mythology, have you been following P. Craig Russell's recent Ring of
the Niebelung comics?  It's *incredible* work.
  

    
Congratulations to Neil on the Nebula nomination for Princess
Mononoke! Best script, no less. Wow. :-)
http://www.sfwa.org/awards/

Jade
  

    
        I suggest a neat glass of Laphroaig 30-year be named a Hob Gadling,
on the grounds that there's actually nothing special about it, it's
just extremely old and enormously likeable.
        On the grounds that one can't really consider a glass of whisk(e)y a
cocktail, a couple other notions:
        Tequila, Midori, and Absolute Peppar - A Desire, because it's not
quite a guy drink _or_ a girl drink, but it's hotter than you'd expect.
        Hot chocolate with a shot of brandy and a shot of blended whiskey -
An Aziraphale: sweet and old-fashioned, but more fun than it looks.
        High-proof vodka, tequila, Everclear, and Goldschlager - A Crowley: 
dangerous, untrustworthy, and kills plants.
        Vodka, sleeping pills, and cyanide - A Death, the only drink that
_guarantees_ you'll meet a cute girl by the end of the night.
  

    
Re: cocktails...

  Neil-- to clarify:  by things that don't mix do you mean liquids
(juices, oils, glycerines, mercury, etc,) objects (refrigerator
magnets, yo-yos, frogs, etc,) or a combination of both?

  Michelle-- it seems to me that an "Elephant Spunk" ought to include
very lightly whipped egg whites in it, with maybe a pinch of salt.  The
Spooky Death sounds good... I bet it could be particularly dramatic if
flamed.

Streak-- whoa.  dude.  I don't know about the Distinguished Panel of
Judges, but I'm gonna try a Desire tonight.  The Death is particularly
good.

Maybe I'll try all of these... (except the Death)...  Tonight is, 
after all, Purim, the holidy during which getting wasted is a sacred
act.
  

    
Neil - I'd read the original to her first, then the revised and
explain why it was changed.

and as for coconuts... I drained the liquid out first thing and then
roommate and I got out the hammer.  The coconut said EZ Open.  It lied.
 whackwhackwhackwhack.  whackwhackwhackwhack.  "our neighbors are
going to hate us"  Roommate goes to get machete like thing to try that.
 thunkthunkthunk.  Almost hits thumb.  Goes back to get bigger blade. 
I grab the hammer again and just whackwhackwhackwhackwhack as hard as
I can for far too long.  Finally make a dent.  whackwhackwhack, finally
make a crack.  whackwhackwhack.  Hand to roommate to pull apart.  I
better get the extra credit for bringing in food to my presentation. 
And the other coconut I'm just going to give away.  I don't even _like_
coconut.  I need more sleep.

Jen.
  

    
Neil-- re: Mary Poppins...  I agree with Jen-- why not read both to
Maddy, and ask her which she likes best, why she thinks Travers made
the changes she did, what it does to the story, etc.  
  

    
Neil -- If the revised one sucks (or as you say lacks the magic of the
first) then I say just read her the original.
  

    
Email from Mary Roane:

Howdy, Y'all!
 
Um, er, um, O.K.  (Who got 2 new Eddie Izzard tapes?)  Lots of stuff.
 
Chick tracts--they still give those out with all seriousness in the south.  
It's totally frightening how many people believe them.  They are pretty
stinkin' funny, though....
 
Rick & Angelina--Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, Cead Mile Failte!
 
Streak--If I were younger, I'd want to go drinking with you.
 
Um, yeah......So.
 
Just found a copy of Angels & Visitations that I could afford on ABE
Books, also an English copy of Good Omens (Neil--found your comment about
how different the American & English versions were to be irresistable.)  
Will soon rule world.
 
Mary Poppins--I'm torn on the issue of respecting author's wishes.  I
spent too many years in college studying the works of long-dead authors &
their lives--I love alternate versions of stories, personal biographical
info, etc.  When someone (Shakespeare, say, or Donne) has been dead for
400 years, you don't stop to consider the author's wishes about what gets
published, or what private info gets out (can you imagine the "who was the
dark lady " debate if your man were alive today? Or the homosexuality
debate?)  On the other hand, I knew exactly what you meant when you said
you wanted Blueberry Girl to be a present for Natashya, and that was all.  
Obviously, the situations are different--you never published Blueberry
Girl, and she did publish both of these versions.  The teacher in me
agrees with Len & Jen--use this as the basis for a discussion on the whole
issue.  But it's a poser.
 
O.K., this is entirely too long (thanks Linda & Jon-you guys rule!).  
Back to work!
 
                                          Mary (who finally got to read
Bridget Jones' Diary & Edge of Reason--v.v.g.)
  

    
Mary-- what's Edge of Reason?
  

    
Jen--  I've been reading and re-reading your coconut story-- it's
really funny and well told.  Brava!
  

    

Squeaks!  That's a very nice offer.  I can return them by August...
  

    
Len - um, thanks.  :-)  That makes me feel much better after english
class this morning.  :-)

Jen.
  

    
E-mail from Lady Miss Tree:

Greetings and salutations

Great ideas for the cocktails, although I think Delirium should be served IN the flamingo, non?

Neil, I'm teaching a course in writing at the moment (delivered the first course on Monday/Tuesday) and never been so nervous before in my life. Is it possible (and who would I talk to) to get permission to use a snippet from "A Writer's Prayer"? Not reproduced in print, just to read out. It just illustrates a point SO perfectly, it would be wonderful. If not that, then can you suggest another work that would illustrate what you were trying to say?

I wasn't sure who to ask, as I wasn't sure who the publishers were.

Tree
Who is pouting after having a tutorial rejected for the Usability Professional Association conference in Las Vegas, so she won't be gracing any of your signings this year. :(
  

    
Jade and Angelina and Daniel -- I think that's what I'm going to do.

Len 'n Jen -- good suggestion, but I will reject on the grounds that
she's six, each chapter takes about fifteen to twenty minutes to read,
and she gets one a night. Reading an inferior version of the one I read
the night before would qualify as cruelty -- and worse, be boring.

Scott -- I think the P Craig Russell Ring is an astonishing piece of
work.

Jade -- yahoo!  I don't think I'll win, and I'm not honestly sure I
deserve to (although Mr Miyazaki does), so I think it's an honour just
to be nominated, and I shall give it no more mind.

Len -- things that don't mix... I was thinking of brightly coloured
liquids doing a lava lamp in a glass, without mixing together. The
taste was immaterial...

Jen -- there are no EZ Open coconuts. It's a lie.

Mary -- I'm glad you got and Angels & Visitations without paying
through the nose for it.

I was going to authorise Dreamhaven to do a limited edition for 2003
(Tenth anniversary) but I just realised World Fantasy Con is in
Minneapolis in 2002 (and you all have to come, as the G of H's will be
Jonathan Carroll and Dave McKean) so it might be nice to do the ninth
anniversary edition instead.

Tree -- I suppose you'd talk to me; and sure, not a problem. Do you
have a hard copy of it?
  

    
Jen -- I was not of course implying that you were lying, but that you
had been lied to.

Tree -- PS. That's very unfair of them. Can't you point out that you
have important signings to attend in late June?
  

    
Neil - alas, it is too late.  Jen was stung to the core by what she
perceived to be a most vile insult and has flung herself over a cliff. 
She made quite the nice splatter pattern though...

Just teasing, I knew what you meant.  :-)  But those lying bastards
who made the EZ Open labels... they shall pay.  They shall pay _most_
dearly.  Mwah ha ha ha aaaah!  Hmmmm, I'm starting to think that big
bottle of tea was a bad idea...

Jen, once again off to do homework.
  

    
e-mail from Lady Miss Tree:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Neil!

I'm trying to illustrate that while there is no 'page length' on
the web, you should only write enough to tell the tale and no more.
Your poem does it far better than I can. 

And yes, I have the beautiful version that Biting Dog put out last
year. It will look MOST impressive as I unfurl it and begin to read.

I tried to tell the conference organisers that I had important 
signings to attend and thingies to do... I mean meet. But no dice.

Meanies. [pout]

Tree
Who hopes the formatting on this message is less crap and apologises
profusely for the nasty formatting on the last one.
  

    
Tree - actually I think the messed up formatting is kind of neat. 
There's more there than what there first appears to be so it ends up
being a fun surprise.  And I know I'm easily amused but it's fun to
scroll across the screen and go "wheeeeeeeeeee!"  

Yes.  This is my life.

Jen.