Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    

Just whose self-esteem does it damage that some women choose to look
"young and beautiful"?
  

    
Those who can't possibly look that way no matter how much anorexia and
plastic surgery they go for.  It's not the beauty thing itself, it's the
narrowness of the definition, and the message that if you ain't pretty you
can't be happy.

It's interesting but not really fun to see more guys going for the same
messages, getting lipo and the like.
  

    

A heroic work of this -- these -- living generations would be a new 
eroticization of aging bodies.  That might be something to leave for 
posterity, and an answer to much of the angst remembered from the 
seventies and simmering anew today.

Of course, as a private task, it continues quietly along in many sex lives.   
And oddly enough in some ways phone sex both amateur and professional 
have the power to render looks and age irrelevent, though they give verbal
dexterity a new advantage.
  

    

I would advise anybody who hears "the message that if you ain't [fill in
blank] you can't be happy" to ignore it.
  

    
Well, yes, obviously.  But it's-okay-to-be-different is not an easy lesson
for most people.  It's human to want to fit in to whatever you think you're
supposed to.  It's human to be stubbornly different.  We contain multitudes.

It would be good to have multitudes of images to choose from.
  

    

Then "we" must be responsible for creating multitudes of images from which
to choose, instead of relying on what is handed down to us. Granted, "we"
have been getting better at this in recent years.
  

    
We do that partly by criticizing the monolith of images we've got.  Like
this.
  

    

I dunno; saying there should be an alternative is not quite the same
thing as creating an alternative. Wanting to believe that you don't
need to be X to be happy is not the same thing as believing it.
  

    
Everything that Martha said!!!!!

 Plus, yes we should create an alternative but who is the "we" that
should - women who proudly show their wrinkles or men who buck the
sterotype and find those wrinkles sexy.



And not only does phone sex make age and looks irrelevant where the
only thing that matters is the ability, sensuality and imaginationof
the peole engaging in it - but so does the computer. 



One of the interesting phenomena I've noticed is  the plethora of
women over 40 and well into their 60's who have become entrepeneurs on
the web - women who say that if they tried to get jobs in the
marketplace would be discrimated against becuase of their age.



 I find this a truly really invigorating aspect of the intenet. It is
a great leveler.  
  

    
Saying that looking like B or C or D or E is good is important, but you
can't blow off the message that A ain't the be-all and end-all.

Because, you know, it's really hard to blow off the message that A _is_ the
be-all and end-all.
  

    

"Can't" is not the same thing as "really hard to." I'm not unsympathetic
to the difficulty involved; I go through plenty of it.
  

    
I don't think you can blow off the message that A _is_ the be-all and end-
all without hearing the message that A _isn't_ the be-all and end-all.  I
mean, how?
  

    
>>>I am more of an "Indivualist" than  any thing else.

Which means . . . what?

It's a bit difficult to follow the logic train here -- first you're
"angry" at women who have plastic surgery, then you say you're
completely accepting of them. Your book is marketed as an 'erotic
thriller', then you say you don't write anything pornographic. You
write a graphic description of child sexual abuse to move the plot
along, then say it's not meant to titillate, which is what graphic
sexual description does, good or bad, unless it's in a medical
textbook. Finally, you've taken the name of "a new Anais," so I 
assumed you might have some original and interesting thoughts on
sexuality and eroticism.

Let me try one last question of interest: Do you feel your book is
appropriate material to be taught in the feminist lit class that you
referred to above? If so, why?
  

    

Slippage. I don't think so, either, Martha, but I don't think it's
sufficient to say "A is NOT the be-all" without saying "B, C, or D
make perfectly good end-alls; this is mine" or something like that.

But perhaps we should return focus to matters closer to M.J.
  

    
But I wasn't saying the first clause was enough without the second clause
either.
  

    

Ah. Then I misinterpreted, overreacted, something. I apologize.
  

    
#53
Dexterity is certainly a quality phone sex rewards
  

    

I think the question of who exactly is demeaned by pornography and sex-for-
money is a very interesting one.

I started to say somrething about how pathetic a guy is who can't get laid
except for money, and then I thought there are some situations in which a guy
who can get laid for "free" would choose to pay for it...
  

    
Augustine - lets take it one step at a time - you are taking bits and
peices of different answers and putting them together in a way that was
not intended and you are suggestiong I am some sort of spokesperson
for erotica or feminism and I'm not



 - you say - >>>>It's a bit difficult to follow the logic train here
-- first you're "angry" at women who have plastic surgery, then you say
you're completely accepting of them. 



What I said was I was more angry at women who have TONS of plastic
surgury that I am at SOME of the porn I have seen.



That's my personal opinion.   



So just becuase I say I am a believer in women chosing thier own paths
doesn't mean that some of those paths can't make me personally angry
or disappointed.





Then Augustine  writes >>>Your book is marketed as an 'erotic

thriller', then you say you don't write anything pornographic. You

write a graphic description of child sexual abuse to move the plot

along, then say it's not meant to titillate, which is what graphic

sexual description does, good or bad, unless it's in a medical

textbook>>> 



I believe, (as do many people) that erotic writing is not the same as
pornography. If you beleive it is the same - you're entitled to your
opinion. But in my opinion the two are different, hence my statement
that I don't write porn. 



As to the scene with the pedophile - the scene is written to convey
that this man is a deviate and is troubled.  



I did not find it erotic - I feel sorry for anyone who might find it
erotic. 



Let me ask you - if one man reads a rape/murder mystery and gets off
on the idea of the way the rape/murder is committed was the writer of
that book writng porn? 





And lastly A writes>> Let me try one last question of interest: Do you
feel your book is appropriate material to be taught in the feminist
lit class that you referred to above? If so, why?



I don't have any idea as to wether or not its appropriate. Two
professors of feminist lit have written and told me that - that is
completely and solely their opinion not mine. 



Once again, I wrote a fictional account of one woman's journey. I am
not an authority or spokesperson for erotica, feminist therory, or for
that matter anything else. 

 
  

    
Wow. I've been away for awhile, I come back and all hell has broken
loose. I was going to wind this up, but it looks like it's too exciting
to people to give up just yet.

Let me just say a few things about all the above postings:

MJ did write a _novel_, and she is not obliged to  defend it, or porn,
or erotica, or the feminist position that might be taken on her book.

People have been trying for the past 20 yrs or so to make a
distinction between porn and erotica. Frankly, I don't make a
distinction. There are class issues involved, and there's the "what
turns me on is erotica, what turns you on is porn" thing in all these
arguments. I do tend to use the word erotica simply because, as editor
of women's erotica, I've gotten used to it. The significant difference
now is that sex writing is getting better, and that the female point of
view is being expressed.

As for MJ's scene about the pedophile: I'm gonna get killed for this,
but...entertaining a sexual fantasy about minors (or any other taboo
like incest or animals) is not the same thing as acting on that
fantasy. Therefore, the person who fantasizes these things is not
necessarily sick or a deviate or perverted. ACTING OUT THE FANTASY IS.
Nonconsensual sex and sex with a minor is wrong, illegal, imomoral. Not
the thought! In Lip Service, the pedophile indicated that he was
actually engaging in such acts, which made it wrong. The POV of the
main character, Julia, and her actions, indicated that she, and the
author, did not tolerate such behavior.

LS, IMO, will not incite anyone to rape or violence or sex w/ minors.
It might make phone sex more appealing to some--no harm there!
  

    
Thank you Marcy. Very much.
  

    
nicely said, mmarquest.
  

    
Perhaps it's time to wind things up. MJ, any final comments for our
readers?
  

    
Yes, I'd like to thank David and Reva and Cynthia  for inviting me
here and you Marcy for interviewing me and  everyone  who asked
questions. I've enjoyed this tremendously. I'll check in  every once in
a while in case any other questions crop up. 
  

    
The topic will remain open.  Thank you for visiting the Inkwell, M.J. Rose!
And thank you, Marcy, for your excellent work.