Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    



just wanted to thank you for addressing my post, oemmasue.
  

    
> some people choose more than one

I saw one person's pronouns listed somewhere as (may have the order
wrong) "she/his/their" and wasn't sure if that was specific, as in
one should specifically use *she* in the subjective, *his* in the
objective, and *their* in the possessive, or if it meant the person
uses all three sets at once. Or if it meant something else entirely,
as with Jacob in the article who uses the various sets at various
times based on how they (?) are presenting that day.  I can imagine
how one might present as male or female (although given that gender
presentation is not the same as gender identity, it seems a stretch
to expect all but one's close friends to be aware of this
connection) but I'm not sure how one would clearly present as "they"
to a non-close-friend.
  

    
If I were to choose ungendered pronouns I think I'd use (gendered as
a reference)

He .. One   : One did it
Him .. One  ; Give it to one.
His  ..  One's : That is one's hat

At least its clearly singular. 
  

    
<aslan> if someone lists more than one pronoun, like the
‘she/his/their’ example you gave, it’s likely that the individual
has a fluid gender identity and either a. is someone who’s
preference in regards to pronouns changes based on their feelings
about their gender or b. someone who doesn’t have a preference aside
from preferring not to be boxed in to a single pronoun 
  

    
That's the case for me. When I'm feeling particularly fluid, I put
all three. I know it'll be hit or miss across the day. 

Emma, if you think it will bring them joy, please feel free to tell
everyone at Haus of QUOTA about that comparison. If ever I'm in
Florida, I'd love to meet the lot of you. 

When members of the majority use their pronouns, it becomes just a
little bit safer, a little bit easier to be more courageous and
open, and significantly more "It's okay here" for members of the
minority to share their pronouns. 

It turns sharing pronouns into common practice. Sharing becomes part
of the culture, as against one choosing to be a freak. 

Etsy sells enamelled pins: My pronouns are.... I wear a "They/Them"
pin. Students scan all of the pins on my in-class hoodie: a Ziggy
Stardust cat, a vintage library circulation card with the Pride Flag
(including brown and black), They/Them, the crisis line's "This
person saves lives" arrow... There's a Game of Thrones styled
"Mother of Cats", soon to be balanced by a "Cat Dad" pin. It's
possible to see children absorbing all of this. Sometimes, they ask
questions. Sometimes, the implicit permission visibly eases them;
the shoulders drop, some tension seeps from their muscles. 

Last week, during a relatively private time during in-class
art-making, a student vaguely probed the subject of "they" as it
applied to me. After I answered, the child said, "I think I'm like
that. Both boy and girl." She broke into the most relaxed grin I'd
seen her wear. "That's fine," I said. She said, "I'm more girl than
boy, though." I told her that was okay. Whatever she was, it was
absolutely all right. She flashed another smile, and went back to
her work. A big thing? A small thing? Who can know? 

Last year, after five weeks of "My friends aren't speaking to me"
comments during our opening circle*, a fourth grade student said,
"My friends are cutting** me because I like girls." 

We were working on twisted fairy tales. That afternoon, my bundle of
self-absorbed fourth- and fifth-graders gave a traditional tale a
trans protagonist. It was the greatest show of support I had seen in
geological eras. 

Would the fourth-grade student have come out, had I not been easy
and open with my gender? Would the second-grade student have said,
"I am both boy and girl?" 

I don't go on about gender and sexuality. It's "I'm not Mr Seanan or
Ms Seanan; I don't identify as male or female. 'Mx' is hard to say.
Just call me 'Seanan'. I'm not big on status, anyway." 

Implicit permission is more powerful than we generally think. 
  

    
You're providing a safe place. You're showing them how they might
grow happily and successfully into the adult world. This is huge.

And more huge than what you've done for the two students you
mention, is what you've done for their classmates. Normalizing their
differences in a public place educates all children to be more aware
and understanding. 
  

    
Thank you, Lisa. 

Your words mean worlds to me. 

This is something I repeatedly fail in explaining to straight white
et cetera corporate/office/teaching-is-a-theory/bubble-dwelling
people: I do not come out as disabled, gender-queer, or anything
else for my comfort. I'm already comfortable. I do it so the
students can be around someone who is publicly, openly easy with
being several shapes of Other.  
  

    <scribbled by seanan Sun 16 Feb 20 15:35>
  

    
South Dakota's lawmakers voted to pass a bill that would fine and
jail doctors who prescribed hormones and puberty blockers for trans
teens under sixteen years of age. The bill went to the Senate, where
it died a belated and deserved death. 

Being an LGBTQ ally can put you in lawmakers' sights. 

Some of us (raising my hand) live in bubbles. All of us live in
dangerous times. 

If we can do anything to make someone feel even the slightest bit
safer, then it seems only decent to do so. 

I tend to have a tough time learning names. Pronouns are easier. 

https://www.thedailybeast.com/anti-trans-bill-killed-in-south-dakota-senate-co
mmitee-vote
  

    
>If we can do anything to make someone feel even the slightest bit
safer, then it seems only decent to do so.<

Yes.
  

    
So many of the world's troubles stem from fear manifesting as a lack
of acceptance, which is used to justify/rationalise often barbaric
behavior. 

Using pronouns signals acceptance. 
  

    
Even in freer circles, there are problems. Two days ago, one of my
friends snapped, "I don't believe in this cis business and all of
that. We're all one." 

As she was already on an edge of irritation, and she was/is hosting
me for two weeks, I did not point out that "not believing" was a
privilege she had as a straight white-presenting cis-female. 

My thoughts go to public places, public conversations, and how a
person who was in a fragile place -- in crisis, in a stage/state of
questioning, coping with self-doubts, part of an über-straight
normative family/faith, or any number of other factors -- might
feel, overhearing her statement aboard a bus or on a street corner.
Casual words, overheard, and there you are, shut out again, denied
reality. 

Shifting to another facet, it is good to see pronouns being more
widely discussed, from Oprah Magazine on how to share gender
pronouns at work, and why it's a courtesy to do so

https://www.oprahmag.com/life/work-money/a27921531/how-to-share-gender-pronoun
s-workplace/ 

to Quartz at Work on why it is more than a trend

https://qz.com/work/1647596/gender-pronouns-in-the-workplace-are-not-a-passing
-trend/

to the Human Rights Campaign's downloadable guide 

https://qz.com/work/1647596/gender-pronouns-in-the-workplace-are-not-a-passing
-trend/

to the Washington Post's piece on how various firms are navigating
the unfamiliar ocean of "a gender-free world" 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/07/02/how-employers-are-preparing
-gender-non-binary-world/

but -- and this has nothing to do with the lines about my friend; it
is a separate stream of thought -- I wonder how we can bring the
conversation beyond the bubbles (relatively liberal media,
gender-queer communities, allies and would-be allies trying to
understand, the friends and families of LGBTQ people... without
triggering rages or shutdowns. The world is so very divided, and it
is all too easy to imagine Matthew Shepard as a current headline. 

This, without raising the demon heads of intersectionality, where
many of us (I among them) live. 
  

    
Yes. 

It is a privilege to get to decide whether to take up the battle of
gender inequity, when people have to live with the inequity and
injustice every day. 

And today, the Media Specialists from Palm Beach County, FL (the
11th largest school district in the country, and the home school
district of the President) all were talking about gender inequity
and making our libraries safe places to explore ourselves and the
people we share the planet with. Compassion through literature.
Knowledge through research and study, then understanding. 
  

    
<South Dakota's lawmakers voted to pass a bill that would fine and
jail doctors who prescribed hormones and puberty blockers for trans
teens under sixteen years of age. The bill went to the Senate, where
it died a belated and deserved death.> 

MANY states are proposing bills like this. One that was brought up
in the Florida House was also killed, but more like it are being
introduced. 

https://www.hrw.org/news/2020/01/20/lawmakers-us-unleash-barrage-anti-transgen
der-bills

Cis allies: if your state starts pushing bills like this, call your
state representatives and fight to kill the bill. If your
state/county doesn't have protections (for work/housing/etc) for
trans people, see which organizations are working to fight for those
legal protections and throw your support behind them (especially if
you have the means to contribute financially). 

Another great way to support trans people, while we're on the topic:
just send them money! I won't get into the economic theory behind
fighting poverty simply by putting cash directly into poor people's
hands, I'll just say that if you see a GoFundMe or a link to a trans
person's Venmo/CashApp/PayPal, send what you can! My news feed is
full of people (mostly black, trans people) seeking financial
assistance. Black trans people are some of the most marginalized
people in our society, their freedom is our freedom. 
(RayeRaye's Venmo is @SugarBearrr and Naithe's is @ayyonao, if you
wanna send some help their way, they always need assistance with
bills, and since they open their home to so many of us in my
community, we do what we can to help them stay in that home. You're
obviously not required to do this, and I'm by no means implying that
if you aren't in a position to send trans folx money you're a bad
ally- but if you've got the means, this is a way to can use your own
privileges to help someone else) 
  

    
I'll add to this that, if you can't afford to send money, sharing a
link is an active form of support. By extending someone's reach, you
take a public stance as an ally, open conversations, offer emotional
support to the person in need, and give trans people the chance to
receive funds from people they don't know and could not otherwise
reach. 
  

    
On the subject of trans folx, particularly Black trans folx, here
are some sobering links. 

The National LBGTQ Task Force on the "startling levels of
discrimination against Black transgender people
https://www.thetaskforce.org/new-analysis-shows-startling-levels-of-discrimina
tion-against-black-transgender-people/

US National Library of Medicine 
National Institutes of Health
Homicide Rates of Transgender Individuals in the United States:
2010–2014
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551594/

CDC 
HIV and Transgender People 2009 - 2014
https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/gender/transgender/index.html

NIH
Data Sources Hinder Our Understanding of Transgender Murders
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551619/

Human Rights Campaign
Violence Against the Transgender Community in 2019
https://www.hrc.org/resources/violence-against-the-transgender-community-in-20
19

Annual Report on Epidemic of Ant-Transgender Violence
https://www.hrc.org/blog/hrc-releases-annual-report-on-epidemic-of-anti-transg
ender-violence-2019

NPR: Health Care System Fails Many Transgender Americans
"Dozens of trans people have been violently killed just this year
across the country. Another tragic public health issue: Almost 20
percent of black transgender women are HIV-positive, compared with
only 3 percent in the general population." 
"The U.S. Transgender Survey found that 40 percent of transgender
people have attempted suicide in their lifetimes."
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/11/21/564817975/health-care-sys
tem-fails-many-transgender-americans

For people who face murderous discrimination, every active ally
matters. It's far lower risk to stand up for and with a Black trans
person than to _be_ one. Until that changes, the rest of us have to
do more to keep the endangered people safe and make sure that nobody
we're aware of is -- or feels -- isolated. 
  

    
Thank you both for all of the information. I'll definitely pass it
along, and help where I can.
  

    
Thank you <oemmasue> and <seanan> for leading this discussion and
giving us all something to think about and ways to help.
  

    
Hey this was in today’s NYTimes: 
The push for personal pronouns like “they/them” and “ze/hir” can
ignite a power struggle in college classrooms. The Kennedy School of
Government’s solution? Stickers.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/19/us/gender-pronouns-college.html
  

    
In the meantime, the following story out of Ohio: 

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/judge-dismisses-professor-s-lawsuit-ov
er-transgender-pronoun-dispute-n1137976

Short form: a professor sued his college for "compelling" him to use
They/Them pronouns in violation of his religious beliefs.  His
lawsuit has been dismissed, with the judge agreeing with the school
that "such language was part of his job responsibilities, not speech
protected by the First Amendment."
  

    
(Actually I don't know what the student's preferred pronouns were.
No pronouns were used in the article to refer to the student.)
  

    
Neat editing. 

Thank you, Emma, for bringing wisdom, compassion, knowledge, and
energy to the conversation -- and thank you, Lisa, for hosting it.
I'm grateful to everyone who showed up here, engaged, and
participated. That's what's going to make us strong, aware, and able
to grow. 

This is a conversation that deserves to continue. I hope we can all
find spaces, online and in daily life. 
  

    
Today I read the book, "Julian Wants to be a Mermaid," to my special
education class. One boy insisted on correcting me that Julian
wanted to be a merman. I said, "Actually, he doesn't want to be a
merman. The book says mermaid. And look, all the pictures show
mermaids. He wants to be a mermaid, not a merman." 

The boy looked very confused. His aide supported me and the book,
"Some boys want to be mermaids. Some boys want to be mermen. Some
boys don't want to be either." I wanted to kiss her.
  

    
I've never met her, and she's made more than my day. 

Today, in a small group (three or four people per group) activity
during a professional development, each of us was invited to choose
a symbol for a piece of choreography and to contribute one movement
to our group's piece. 

I was in a group of straight or straight-presenting cis women. Every
time I tried to speak, a member of the group interrupted me and
stated talking. After four tries, I reminded people that I was on
the autism spectrum, explained that four over-speakings was my
limit, that I could not continue, and that I had to leave the group
and, for a while, the room. Two women told me I had to stay. The
third, the youngest, finally said, "What can we do to support you?"
I said, "Let me go take care of myself." 

A moment after I left, the door opened. Another gender-queer person
on the spectrum walked out, looked at me, and said, "You, too?"

Later, when the class gathered in a circle, to speak about their
experiences, one of the older women in my group said she'd been
uncomfortable. That was not enough for her. A few rounds later, she
went on to say, "My feelings were hurt. Seanan misunderstood me. I
guess I owe her an apology." 

The workshop leader -- a manager -- thanked her for sharing. (Oh, so
brave.)

Later, another older member of the group told me that I had deprived
them of my contribution. They silenced me four times, and then put
the responsibility for my silencing on me. 

The one person who'd asked what I needed came over and said, "I'm so
sorry." The one person who had not perpetrated one or more acts of
violence was the one who apologised. 

My fellow (closeted in this segment of society) autistic (closeted
et cetera) gender-queer person was seething at the compound harm of
the public apology that was actually the apologiser displaying the
harm I had done her, the outing of me by name as the person who had
made the poor woman uncomfortable, and -- perhaps worst of all --
the blithe public misgendering. 

Intersectionality is everywhere. The self-congratulatory (teaching
artists: so kind and understanding to disabled/LGBTQ/POC children,
and therefore innately so the same to POC/LTBTQ/disabled adults...
and unquestioningly certain that they are benefactors and allies)
are particularly dangerous. 

Here's to the aide and those who stand up on behalf of whomever and,
with kindliness, tolerance, and patience, explain. 
  

    
We have so much to learn.