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When a tender eunuch takes a wife, it is difficult not to write satire.


There are women who always delight in the unwarlike and soft kisses of eunuchs, and in the lack of a beard, and in the fact that an abortive drug is not needed. However, that lust is supreme when the young crotches are delivered to the doctor after the development of mature heat and black pubic hair; therefore, Heliodorus snatches the awaited and developed testicles only after they have begun to weigh two pounds - to the detriment of the barber. A true and miserable weakness afflicts the slave dealers' boys, and these boys are ashamed of the bag and chickpea left behind. [But] conspicuous from afar and noticeable to everyone, the eunuch made by his mistress no doubt rivals the custodian of the vine and garden [i.e. Priapus]. Let him sleep with his mistress, but, Postumus, you must not entrust Bromius, who is already hardened and shaving, to the eunuch.


No tyrant has castrated a disfigured youth in a cruel citadel, nor has Nero raped a juvenile who was bowlegged, scrofulous, and equally swollen in the belly and the hump.