REALLY good Bumper Sticker Material.... ---------------------------------------------------- "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! He who laughs last thinks slowest! Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? Assassins do it from behind. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? All generalizations are false, including this one. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. I love cats...they taste just like chicken Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep Montana --- At least our cows are sane! Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. Wink, I'll do the rest! I took an IQ test and the results were negative. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Pardon my driving, I am reloading. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. * Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * My kid had sex with your honor student. * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. * Lord save me from your followers. * Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. * Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. * I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. * Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? * To all you virgins, thanks for nothing. * There's too much blood in my alcohol system. * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. * Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. * A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a hammer. * WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. * You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. * BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. * I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. * So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute! * Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning. * Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer. * I need someone really bad... are you really bad? * If, a two letter word for futility. * I don't care, I don't have to. * Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. ------- The best things in life aren't things I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in It's not who you sleep with... it's who keeps you awake If it has tires or testicles, it's going to be trouble Body by Ben & Jerry Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. The good old days: When sex was dirty & Michael Jackson was black If love of money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it? My computer goes down on anybody Piercing, schmiercing I'm holding out for amputation Save the ugly animals too Oh sure, but what's the speed of dark? I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon ...and a shot of tequila Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them ----------- Ax me about Ebonics Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel Boldly going nowhere CAUTION - Driver legally blonde! Don't be sexist - broads hate that Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts! If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now I'm an imbecile and I vote Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it! WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted