SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #177
                         New Moon of May 24,2009


Contents copyright 2009 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

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                          *********************

I'm back from the science fiction convention I mentioned in the last 
issue.  There aren't too many memories that stand out.  I went to a 
number of panels and concerts and other program items, most of which I 
found at least mildly interesting.  I also roamed the party floor, 
finding some of the parties enjoyable, at least for a while, while others 
were too crowded and/or noisy and/or alcohol-centered for my taste.  I 
got into some interesting conversations in the halls and the lobby and 
elsewhere.  I blew bubbles at people, must of whom seemed to enjoy them.  
And so on.  You know, the usual.

Then there was the mundane news after the con.  The court decision 
upholding Prop. 8 (the California ban on same-sex marriage) was 
disappointing but not a surprise.  Now people are starting to organize a 
repeal campaign, probably for the November elections in 2010.

And there's an update on that fast-food restaurant I mentioned back in SS
#172 (December 30, 2008) that had the sign about how their Secret
Ingredient was Quality, except that some of the letters had fallen off 
the sign.  As of early April their Secret Ingredient had been "Qua", and 
it was still "Qua" when I went there this morning.  Could this be one of 
those things where everybody who notices it is expecting someone else to 
take the initiative to fix it?  Stay tuned.


                          *********************

One bit of pre-convention computer frustration: I called the local paper 
to temporarily stop delivery on the mornings I was planning to be away, 
and got an automated system.  That was a disaster.

First, when I cleared my throat during the initial greeting the system 
thought I was trying to say something and stopped talking.  It said it 
couldn't understand me, but gave me no hint as to what I should say.  I 
couldn't figure out how to get it to resume.

After a while it eventually asked me to enter my phone number.  After I 
did so it repeated it back to me, but didn't put the pauses I was 
expecting between the groups of digits, or read it back faster than I was 
expecting it to, or something like that.  So when it asked if the number 
was correct I wasn't sure exactly what numbers it had read back.

The problem with that was that it wouldn't take "Say again" or "Please 
repeat the number" as an answer.  Every time I tried to ask it to repeat 
the number it would respond with "I could not understand you.  Is the 
number correct?  Answer Yes or No."

After several go-rounds of this it finally offered the option of saying 
"Help" and put me through to a human.  Things went OK after that.  But it 
was very frustrating.

Later I got to thinking.

I've read that the people making computer-animated movies have found that 
if they get what are supposed to be human faces almost, but not quite, 
perfect, people find them disturbing.  If the faces are deliberately made 
more cartoon-like or doll-like the problem doesn't occur.

So maybe something analogous was happening with the automated voice 
system, with some subconscious part of me thinking it was talking to a 
real person who was almost literally sticking her fingers in her ears and 
going "La, la, la, I can't hear you" in response to my requests to repeat 
the number.

Would it have been less frustrating if instead of continuing to sound 
human, the voice had delivered its "I did not understand you.  Answer Yes 
or No," (or maybe "That does not compute") in the kind of 
metallic-sounding monotone you used to hear from robots in 1950's sci-fi 
movies?

Then it could have reverted to human when it offered the suggestion to 
say "Help" to talk to an operator.

Has this been studied?


                          *********************

When I stopped by the local 7-11, they didn't have the Metro (free weekly 
paper) in yet.  So should I pick one up somewhere else?  That's assuming, 
of course, that they have them.  Don't pick any up if there aren't any 
there.

But what if they don't have them, but somebody picks one up anyway?  
Would that leave some sort of negative paper there, a void in the fabric 
of space or something?  And then what when the delivery finally arrives?  
Would one copy fall into the gap to cancel it, perhaps resulting in a 
catastrophic release of some huge amount of energy or something?

Probably not.  If such a thing were likely it would probably have 
happened before, and I would have heard of it.  And there would be signs 
on the rack warning people not to take copies of the paper when there 
aren't any there.  Since I've never noticed such signs, it's apparently 
not a problem.  Either nobody leaves negative numbers of copies of the 
paper, or the delivery people know how to deal with the situation safely 
when it does come up.

So I wouldn't worry about it.


                          *********************

"The city is at a standstill, with most of the populace laughing so hard 
they're helpless to do anything else.  According to reports, one of the 
local mad scientists is to blame.  He built a huge psychic energy lens 
and is using it to focus comic background radiation on his victims.

Comic background radiation is a recent discovery.  A mad scientist 
noticed a typographical error in a magazine article where they had left 
the S out of the phrase 'cosmic background radiation', and immediately 
started work on it.

This caught the rest of the world by surprise, since non-mad scientists 
had all just ignored the error.  Many of them still can't bring 
themselves to really think about it, so they're having to recruit other 
mad scientists to help them.

In addition, there are unsubstantiated reports that they're planning to 
use karmic background radiation to bring the villainous mad scientist to 
justice.

Film at eleven."  Or do TV stations not use that line any more?


                          *********************

I recently had occasion to write about a watch I used to wear.  There was 
one problem: The spelling checker did not like the brand name "Accutron".  
It suggested I replace it with "Accusation".  I declined.

But it did get me to wondering: What would an Accusation watch be like?  
Would it be designed to be used by teachers marking pupils tardy, meter 
maids enforcing time-of-day based parking restrictions, and others who 
might have occasion to accuse people of doing something at the wrong time 
or not doing it at the right time?

If so, it might have such features as calibration directly traceable to 
official government time standards, a camera with the ability to 
time-stamp the pictures it takes, a printer to time-stamp any documents 
the user creates, and so on, all designed to stand up in a court of law.

Of course things with most of these features do exist.  They're just not 
called "Accusation watches".

Another suggestion was "Octoroon".  That's a word you don't hear much 
nowadays, although it might come in handy if you're playing Scrabble and 
have lots of O's to get rid of.  It would also be good to know if you're 
planning on time-traveling to certain parts of the US, mainly (but not 
exclusively) in the South, before various court decisions and the passage 
of modern civil-rights legislation outlawed racial segregation.

There were other suggestions, but they didn't seem as interesting as 
those two.


                          *********************

According to news reports, the US Government is likely to end up owning a 
large chunk of General Motors.  It could also end up owning shares of 
other auto makers.  This may be an opportunity to do something good for 
the environment: Perhaps the government could use its influence as a 
shareholder to persuade the auto makers to make more environment-friendly 
vehicles.

And perhaps the idea could be generalized: Let the government acquire 
ownership of the other large corporations that are gaining more and more 
power to do evil, and then let the government make those companies play 
nice.

I don't have the details worked out, but I'm thinking there would be some 
formula whereby the larger the company, the greater the portion of it the 
government would own.  Small "Mom and Pop" operations would be exempt.  
Government interest in medium-sized businesses would be minor, while a 
colossus like Wal-Mart might well end up being almost entirely 
government-controlled.

Since these large companies are in a position to exercise as much power 
as some government agencies have, let them be subject to the same checks 
and balances and public accountability as government agencies are, at 
least ideally, subject to.


                          *********************

There was a thing in the news recently about the authorities going after 
some telemarketer who had been doing a car-warranty semi-scam, ignoring 
such things as Do Not Call lists.  That reminded me of how it could have 
been worse.

And there's a downside to advanced technology:  Timbuktu is not as 
isolated as it once was, although it's still a relatively expensive place 
to call.


                           SORRY, RIGHT NUMBER


In the dead of night
The phone rings...
And rings...
And rings...

"Hello?"

Bright cheery voice:
"Good morning!  This is your three a.m. wake-up call."

Not quite awake,
I still manage to say
That I didn't order any
Three a.m. wake-up call.

"We know that, but for only ten dollars a month
You can cancel it."

I thought I'd sent my money in for that already,
But no,
That had been to cancel
Their two a.m. wake-up call.
The three a.m. call was a new item
Just added to their list
Of "services".
And they were planning others for the future
At other hours of the night
Along with don't-stay-in-the-shower-too-long calls
Plus physical-fitness calls
To keep you jogging
Between the dinner table
And the phone.

I mumble something
About answering machines
And the voice grows angry:
"That's...that's...restraint of trade!
Listen, buster, you try that
And we'll get an injunction so fast
It'll make your head swim.
And don't try anything funny
Like letting it ring, either!"

My mention of the bit
In the Eighth Amendment about
Cruel and unusual punishment
Brings only scornful laughter:
"We're exempt from all that stuff."

My patience nears its end:
"Law or no law, if this phone rings one more time
I'm gonna rip it out by the roots
And mail it to Timbuktu."
SLAM!!!

Ten minutes later
Some delivery service calls
With a special deal
On mailing phones to Timbuktu
In the middle of the night.

So, the next time they call
They'll get a recording:
"The number you have reached
Has been ripped out by the roots
And mailed to Timbuktu.
All of our overseas circuits are busy
And calling Timbuktu is too expensive anyway
But if you insist
You may hold the line
Until something becomes available."

Only my friends will know
That it's really
An answering machine.



                                        Thomas G. Digby

                                        Entered 2345hr 2/22/84


                          *********************

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