allegedly from the L.A. Times, but not really

>"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
>trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in
>the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.  Tomaszewski, and his
>homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency
>treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a
>cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he
>explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd
>had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again,
>so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might
>attract him."
>
>At a hushed press conference, a hospital pokesman described what
>happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal
>gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and
>severely burning his face.  It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and
>whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
>intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
>
>Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the >impact
>of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree
>burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

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