...On Censorship

Why can't we get away from this pernicious dependency on big government and take responsibility for censoring ourselves?

Install See No Evil self-blinding plug-in today... the perfect gift for your local cash-strapped school or library.

Self-Censorship ABC's:

A: We are alarmed that there is a three letter word starting with "A" which ought to be considered as a four letter word. This problem in character length might make the Lady Chip falter in its body-part proofing of the World Slender Web.

We call for immediate spelling reform to meet the four-letter filter guidelines. Perhaps the addition of a final and silent "P" to remind us of the snake-like danger of indecent words. However, "P" is in and of itself a corrupting and problematic letter, so a LAW committee is studying alternate proposals to the Assp Initiative.

B: We find the technical aspects of this Web technology quite alarming, and even the little codes behind the pages incidious. The use of the little code "br" is quite suggestive of ladies' underthings... Whoever invented this code should have his mind washed out with a nice floral-scented soap.

C: Seeing is believing, and looking away is never good enough. If you don't have the manners to censor yourself, ask someone near you to swiftly stifle anything unusual you might accidently say or create.

C is also for Computers, which are not suitable for girls. Alas, they have an input device which is far too similar to a typewriter, a machine long considered safe for ladies so long as they received dictation.

We call for immediate research into the creation of a male-only computational data input device, but please, post no pictures of the plans. That visual diagram would interfere with our essential quest for a child-proof America -- all over the globe.

When in doubt, avert eyes and pressure Congress!

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Ladies Against Women Global Headquarters