They'll cook up a lot of awful rubbish,  The kinda stuff you eat in Boarding School.
Bean-gruel, and tatty flaps and snarnlers,  And they say you have to buy it to

Mabey you'll get to clean the loo,  Drive back and forth to Tesco's too.
Chief shows us what to do,  By and By.

Chief tells lots of woolley boring stories,  About some folks you've never seen before.
He drinks lots of beer with his naff hat on,  And if you're there he's bound to tell you more.

If you like to hear the language mangled,  Miss Beans will show you how it should be done.
She comes up with words that are new-spangled,  Confusing folks apparently is fun.

When Beans and Aunt Suzy get together, They'll drive you nuts with giggles, snorts and screams.
And if you should get incontinent weather, You're stuck inside with Chief, Seebobble and Beans.

If you get Aunty Suzy mad,  You'll get the worst row you've ever had.
You'll turn McBastard Plaid,  By and by.

If you want to see some silly pillocks,  The silliest pillocks you've ever seen.
Then you have to hang with the McBastards,
And put up with the Chief, Seebobble and Beans.