It's hard to love a man whose head is shining in your eyes,
Especially when the tip of it, is pointing to the skies.
But we all love your squinty eyes you wear beneath your frown,
Oh Scoffie, don't take your hair to town.

He's horny now, cause we can hear the chuggin by the door,
In just ten minutes, we guarantee you'll hear the bastard snore!
And in the morning he'll be up and be smilng like a clown,
Oh Scoffie, don't take your Y-fronts down.

You come to Cropredy  each year for your annual shag,
And isn't it a shame you always end up with a slag.
But please don't think this eulogy's designed to put you down,
Oh Scoffie, We're so glad that you're around.