How
to Talk
New Age

Introduction

Dear Reader,

Gee. It seems like every time you turn around there's a new way of improving yourself. Yoga, meditation, health foods, crystals, channeling, prepackaged group therapies.

It looks like there's an infinite number of techniques, methods and programs guaranteed to make you healthier, holier, wiser, freer, sexier, and more serene and content. In short, to make you a NEW AGE PERSON.

"Where will it all end?", one could well ask. Well. Ask. Because this valuable Web page has the answer. It all ends in The New Age (which of course is just the Beginning of Something Else, but that's another story).

Yes, the long-awaited NEW AGE is coming! The time when starvation, disease, taxes, politicians, and mosquitoes are gone, and the world is filled with peace, love, tranquility, safe drugs, safe sex, and home computers that are actually good for something.

The New Age has been predicted since ancient times by seers, prophets, mystics, novelty salesmen, and other visionaries. Starting on New Year's Eve, 2000 A.D., there will be a New Age right here in your own country. Yes, even in your own neighborhood.

But Will You Be Ready?

Not everybody's going to make it to the New Age. It requires diligence, discipline, and adaptability. But most of all it requires knowing the jargon.

Let's face it, a good bluffer can make it into anything -- even the New Age! Fortunately for you, you've discovered this invaluable guide to New Age Terminology. This in itself shows you are already highly-evolved.

After reading this document just three times, you should be well-prepared to pass yourself off as a New Age Person at any cocktail party. Particularly, of course, at any party attended by lots of other New Age People. Why? Because they'll be the last ones to call your bluff since they'll be trying to pull off the same act themselves.

Not only will you pass as a New Age Person, you'll find that you are in reality becoming a New Age Person, for this Web page is designed according to ancient mystical principles. The mere act of reading it will affect and transform your inner psyche, subtly balance the delicate yin/yang interplay of your body energies, increase your ethereal vibratory rate, and thereby dramatically accelerate your evolution.

You will indeed be ready for the New Age. And an exciting time it will be!

So, dear reader, we commend you for your astute foresight and meritorious karma in discovering this Web site. We wish you a speedy and profitable evolution and many happy guilt-free lifetimes in the New Age.

See you in the New Age!

Mick (writer) & Bob (artist)