Men/Women and The Message


The message in this photo is completely different if you are a man or a woman.

It doesn't really matter what your age is, men never seem to learn what the message really is. As they get older, some women do figure out what a tiny minority of women already knew: The message women send is different from the message men receive. Women are not sending the message that men are receiving.

Honestly, stop.

Really STOP, reading at this point.

Tell yourslf what you are receiving from this photo. If this were a real woman in front of you in this posture, with that tight T-shirt, what would she be communicating?


A. If you are a heterosexual male of any age and you are honest you said " She wants sex with me, she wants to fuck and she knows she is giving me a hard-on". Or you said something very close to that.

B. If you are a woman you said "She's being funny and following current style with a humorous 'Message' T-shirt". Her posture says, "Watch out, don't mess with me." At most , she might be after one man, somewhere, but this shirt is not designed to attract him unless they already have a teasing relationship.

A and B are two different messages deduced from the same behavior. This is behavior we see many times every day. Behavior we often see hundreds of times a day as women and girls walk, sashay, bend over and even sit in a coffee shop.

Let me introduce myself.

I was sixty three years old, a few years ago, looking out the window of a coffee shop at a passing young woman who seemed to be flaunting her long blonde hair and her tight chic clothes. I asked the two women with me whether they were receiving the same message that she was communicating to me: 'I want sex'.

They both said "What?"

"No, absolutely not" they insisted. She was just behaving like her peers. What she was saying to herself and to everyone else is, "I look pretty good, I fit in with my friends."

I asked both women if they could believe that the young woman was sending the message I believed she was sending "I want sex." Both women told me that they were well along in their lives, one was over fifty, when they realized that men were getting the 'I want sex with you' message.

I was stunned to discover I had been misreading tens of thousands of messages for nearly all my life and had spent a large part of my life fantasizing about messages that hadn't been there.

Both sides of this equation seem very dazed by the whole matter. It took me a long time to realize that my two women coffee shop companions were right. That nearly all circumstances where my fellow heteros and I were receiving a "Get those cocks up, here I am!" message ... that it was simply not being sent. The women were a little dazed too to realize that the message was being so consistently misread by nearly all men, nearly all the time. ("You think I want to do WHAT?")

Since we first discussed this, the women and I have asked many people about this subject. We find that some people slowly acknowledge the nature of the different message sent and the message received. The awareness seems to be only slightly below the surface for intelligent people. Most do acknowledge the accuracy of it, but seem to have the same dazed reaction we first had.

There are a couple exceptions.

* A tiny proportion of women seem to have been aware of the message they were sending and men were receiving, from their teens. I know a few Call Girls, all of whom say they were and are aware of the message issue and they know that nearly all women fail to understand it. Of course that means they see the issue differently from other women and they see men as penis-driven fools.

* Homosexuals, male and female, seem to be aware of the issue and play with it openly, but rarely are put their observations into words.

What more can I say? This is the end of this article. Now you know. Your worldview may be different, unless you completely reject what you just learned. A sexy woman in tight clothes bending over provocatively may be sending several different messages.



Michael Phillips, Sept. 2002, San Francisco.