---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bongo Beatr <oompa.loompa.local13@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Subject: Mr. Daisey and the Ira Glass Elevator
TO: Ira Glass, THIS
AMERICAN LIFE
DATE: April 23, 2012
Hello
America, it's us!
The ones
you threw under a bus.
Last
month, we sent this unannounced -
But, it
seems the email bounced.
See below
for what we wrote.
As you
know, we cannot vote.
That's why
we beat drums and swarm
In
Oompa-Loompa Ballad Form.
Spies
inform us this May 1st
The global
rage may finally burst.
Call in
sick! We would, but hey –
It's
different here. MAYDAY. MAYDAY.
Sincerely,
Oompa-Loompa
Local Union 13
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Bongo Beatr
<oompa.loompa.local13@gmail.com>
Date:
March 16, 2012
11:23:36 AM PDT
To:
Friends,
Americans, Apple eaters!
Subject:
Mr. Daisey and
the Ira Glass Elevator
MR. DAISEY AND THE IRA
GLASS ELEVATOR
Mike Daisey,
we are sad to say,
Was sucked
into the turbine today.
We told him
not to get too close,
But c'est
la vie! It's pretty gross.
His baggy
shirt was yanked in first,
Next the
pants - man, he cursed!
Next the body
parts were fused
Into those
touchscreens you folks use.
Just tap the
screen – simple, see? -
And
upsy-downsy, there's Mike Daisey!
The lying
rat! And hey, he's fat!
You wouldn't
trust him with your cat.
He hurts the
ones he wants to help!
Crankier than
a review on Yelp!
America sides
with Ira Glass
For
sacrificing Mike with class,
A fat lamb
for the gods of Truth
With lies
extracted, tooth by tooth;
Burnt, bound,
and taped for later,
And pushed
out Ira's elevator.
What a fall!
Yet all Mike did
Was point to
things y'all keep hid,
Storytelling
– what you call lying –
To bare the
lies y'all keep buying.
Think
Different? You're all the Same!
Bite the
Apple & you cheat the Game.
Why not make
iStuff yourselves
With all
those helpful Genius elves?
Or better yet
– a Homebrew Club!
Sell 'Pods
and 'Pads on Etsy shelves!
Well, we'll
tell you. 'Lone in your boots
You know
we're drones in bunny suits.
Who else
sucks the toxic soup
From
clean-room ventilation chutes?
Who else
stands for 10 hours straight?
Who else
sleeps at the factory gate?
Now that
Willy Wonka's dead
It's time you
faced the Truth you dread.
Take our
word, you glum commuters:
Oompa-Loompas
make your computers.
~