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1. Bastards with bad breath.
2. Boring bastards who wear jumpers called "Kevin".
3. Poncy bastards who carry mobile phones around with them in college.
4. Bastards who don't wash.
5. Bastards who don't wash their hair.
6. Bastards who think they're hard.
7. Bastards who stab you in the back.
8. Bastards who always let you down, break appointments and piss you off.
9. Thick bastards who you can't have a conversation with becuase
they always misuderstand what you say.
10. Bastards who steal your girlfriend.
11. Bastards who muscle in on your terriroty when you have your eye
on someone and pretend not to.
12. Bastards who gossip.
13. Bastards with big mouths.
14. Bastards who sing every song you know with the wrong words.
15. Bastards who look smug and who you dislike for no real reason at all.
16. Bastards who ask stupid questions.
17. Bastards who do film quotes.
18. Guitarist bastards who think they're good but who can only play the
beginning bit of "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana.
19. Bastards who make up stories about fucking their girlfriends.
20. Bastards who use stupid words like "cheesy" and "poop".
21. Bastards who eat scampi flavoured Nik-Naks right next to you
(they smell like cat food).
22. Bastards who tell you what's going to happen in a film you're
watching before the said scene occurs.
23. Bastards who talk about football and nothing else.
24. Bastards who talk about Street Fighter II and nothing else.
25. Bastards who talk about Mortal Kombat and nothing else.
26. Bastards who spell your name wrong.
27. Bastards talk about the sex triumphs they never had.
28. Bastards who wank over Baywatch and who say "I fancy that Pamela
Anderson one with the big tits!!".
29. Bastards who smell.
30. Bastards who laugh for no reason.
31. Bastards who talk to you in a condescending way.
32. Poncy bastards called "William" who keep the same girlfriend for
half their lives.
33. Bastards who facy your mum.
34. Bastards who buy the CD you saw in the shop the day before you
had the money to get it.
35. Bastards called "Philip" who think they're intellectual.
36. Bastards called "Peter" who like Indie music.
37. Ravers.
38. Bastards who dance to crap songs in nightclubs with big grins on
their faces.
39. Bastards who talk through films in the cinema.
40. Bastards who always sit in front of you in the cinema.
41. Bastards called "Andy" who think they're better than you.
42. Bastards who walk slowly down corridoor when you're in a hurry to
get somewhere.
43. Bastards who wear Meat Loaf T-Shirts.
44. Transvestite bastards.
45. White bastards who think they're black.
46. Black bastards who think they're white.
47. Smug bastards with bleached hair called "Chris".
48. Bastards with nasal voices theat irritate you.
49. Bastards who you always catch a cold off.
50. Bastards who talk with food in their mouths.
51. Bastards who smear tomato Ketchup (sauce) on their chips.
52. Little children bastards with orange juice moustaches.
53. Little children bastards who are hyperactive.
54. Little children bastards who think they're Ryu.
55. Bastards who smell of sweat and who are called "Fred" and are
backpackers with large bushy grey beards and with wives called "Sylvia"
and two obnoxious children (usually daughters).
56. Greasy Italian bastards who are posers and who all the girls you
know fancy (surnames usually ending in "luci").
57. Loudmouthed black bastards called "Leroy" who talk in fake patois
(usually from London).
58. Bastards who always get higher marks than you in tests at school.
59. Long-haired, Indie-loving bastards who also like groups like "The
Orb", and who think that Nirvana is heavy metal.
60. Spliff-head bastards who talk about little else and get
incredibly boring after about 2 minutes.
61. Pissed bastards who throw up at parties (usually where you can
fall in it and enjoy their lunch second hand).
62. Short, stumpy beer-loving bastards called "Stuart".
63. Cock-Rocking, middle-aged bastards with long hair who listen to
Status Quo called "Dave".
64. Bastards called "Robert" who are glued to their girlfriends and
who walk everywhere with them hand in hand (even to the toilet).
65. Bastards who fart silently and make everybody think it's you.
66. Guitar playing bastards who still think that the "widdle" is cool.
67. Grunge-loving bastards with goatees.
68. Schoolkid bastards who like Bon Jovi because they think they're
too hard to listen to Take That like the rest of 'em.
69. Stupid bastards who use hip-hop phrases like "wack" (ties in with
number 45).
70. Bastards who wear Faith No More T-Shirts.
71. Bastards called "Daniel" who always get the girl you want.
72. Computer boffin bastards called "Wayne" who talk about computers
as if they were real people.
73. Aspiring computer-boffin bastards who know jack shit about
computers and who show their ignorance every time they open their
mouths to say something.
74. Bastards who don't blow their noses when they have a cold,
forcing you to stare at their green, mucus-caked nose.
75. Student bastards who wear frayed jumpers and DMs and who think
they're funny (usually called "Matthew").
76. Bastards who don't clean their ears, forcing you to look at a
mass of brown and red earwax everytime they turn their head.
77. Bastards who have a scary obsession with homosexuality and who
don't stop "joking" about it.
78. Bastards who show you the contents of their tissue having blow
their nose.
79. Teacher bastards who are 40+ but who think they're "hip" and
"with it".
80. Bastards who keep bringing up the past in an argument they're not
winning.
81. Little bastards called "Shane" who irritate you.
82. Bastards who people mistake you for.
83. Poser bastards who think you fancy their girlfriend so they can
try and have a fight with you.
84. Racist bastards who always precede a sentence with "I'm not a
racist but.." before coming out with a tirade of racist bullshit.
85. Pot smoking bastards who think they're Jamaican (regardless of colour).
86. Bastards who do Martian Arts who think they're Bruce Lee.
87. Bastards who listen to gangsta and who walk aroung in gangs and
give you evil stares for no reason to prove to themselves that they're
hard.
88. Bastards who listen to Heavy Metal and who think they're Satanists
and go around giving you evil stares to try and prove that they're
evil.
89. Bastards who are bastards.
90. Gary-boy bastards who use sexist terms like "bird" and who like
chart music (UK).
91. College-kid bastards called "Richie".
92. Bastards who use sexist terms like "chick" (US).
93. Bastards who beat you computer games you've never played before
and consider themselves to be better than you regardless of the
unfair advantage.
94. Bastards who make facetious comments when you die on computer games.
95. Bastards who tell you how to play games you're already familar with.
96. Bastards who tell you how to spell words you already know how to
spell, and they're crap spellers themselves.
97. Bastards who can't spell.
98. Bastards who seek attention.
99. Bastards who seem to make a statement about having a girlfriend
not of their race.
100. Bastards like you!!
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