Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    

I don't think I'll overcome my issues with giving blood (one of the last
times I had blood drawn I fainted and convulsed across the floor). My blood
isn't as useful as some- type B. Were I type O, I would consider trying to
overcome my fears and issues.
Instead, I gave money.

I posted this to a mailing list I'm on. Thought it might be worth reposting
here, considering I quote Dream.

--

So much. Perhaps it is a small thing, but for some reason I found comfort
in this quote:

"Everything that has a beginning has an ending.  Make your peace with
 that and all will be well."  -- The Buddha

I'm glad everyone here is ok. I sorrow for the loss any of you have
experienced. Blessed be.

Adam

"Everything changes. And nothing is truly lost."

--
  

    
Back at work today.  Security has really been beefed up on the
commuter trains and at the metro.  On Tuesday I saw metro guards
patrolling with machine guns, but none of that today.
  

    
Hello all.
I'm safe but know people who aren't.  My best friend up here is on the
ESU.  He was there.  I've been trying to get in touch with him but
have had no luck.  Cell phones are spotty as it is.
I was on the Hoboken Ferry when Building 7 fell.  I've never seen
anything more frightening.  When I was a child, my grandmother gave me
this encyclopedic-type book that was actually meant to be read, and one
of the last pages was about Nostradamus, and his predictions about
WWIII, and the Great City.  I've had recurring nightmares ever since,
the most recent of which was a month ago.  Surreal in the worst kind of
way to see it actually happen.
I thank God that we've had everyone accounted for here, and at the
same time I can't help thinking about the ones that aren't.  I've
thought of all of you in the past couple of days, and I'll continue to.
It's strange to come back to work.  Everyone's always silent on a New
York morning, because we're all bustling to work and we don't know each
other, but this is a different quiet.  This is stunned, and dazed.
Picked up the Village Voice this morning.  The cover headline is a
shot of the second plane hitting, and reads "THE BASTARDS!"  Seems
totally inappropriate in the worst possible way.  I don't know what
they were going for, but I hope it's not what they got.
  

    
Len-Oh, no. I'm so sorry...

All the NYC people-I'm glad you're still with us.

It's so good to be over here...
I've pissed off too many people over at Neil's board that, coached in
hypocritically sugary condolences, thought that right now is a good
time to explain why America and Americans deserved this. Still appalled
at some of them. Some of them are British, which shocked the bejesus
out of me! 
I don't understand how saying, or even implying, such a thing is OK,
but retorting isn't...

Listening to NPR today, they were talking about some of the
individuals identified...
All those lives...
I sat in traffic with tears rolling...

And a few survivors who posted over at the message board, knowing they
breathed in toxic fumes, asbestos, knowing they now have a death
sentence...

How could I not respond to some putzer smugly sitting safe at home,
passing judgement on us? I couldn't ignore it and be at peace with
myself. 

Ah, well.

As Frank Zappa says, "Be who you is, and not what you ain't."
  

    
Martha, I think it's C.  It's the noncontagious, benign one.
I don't have it now, but there are traces in the blood.
  

    
Adam,
I like that quote a lot... in fact, I think I'll change my sig to it
on another board. The board where I've been called a coward, and
unpatriotic, and willing to let America die... all because I have this
silly notion that leveling the Middle East won't make anything better. 
*sigh*

I'm out on the blood donation thing because my husband is bisexual.
Item 6 or something, on the donation rules, promptly rules me out. It
annoys me; I understand that you can crunch numbers and come up with
high risk groups, but I also feel it's unfair to write off an entire
group of people and their loved ones, simply because... well, that's a
long rant, and probably not appropriate here. Besides, he lived in
England for a while, during Mad Cow time, and altho I didn't, they're
apparently pretty close to eliminating people who _live_ with someone
who was overseas during Mad Cow time, because of theoretical person to
person transmission.

They got my blood once. I wish I had overcome my fear of needles
before that - I'm type O-.

I'll definately be tossing in to the Red Cross donation pool this
weekend - one of the local clubs has put up a can; all the DJs are
donating half their pay for the week, the clubs are donating half their
door and bar take. It's a generous community... even if some of them
do think I'm a coward.  :-/

I'm still tired. Getting enough sleep, but I don't think it's good
sleep.

My thoughts are with you all. Be well, and stay safe.
-Kelly
  

    
Kelly-your post made me unhide mine. I finally ended by
erasing/editing almost everything I'd said regarding the issue, because
people weren't reading the "a few"s and the "some"s and jumped down my
throat for being a bigot towards, of all people, the British, although
I *was* shocked at the nationality of some of the people trying to
excuse Tuesday based on American foreign policy...
(grin)
Guess I'm just a rabble-rouser who has overly high expectations...
  

    
OK, just read Neil's blogger, and I have two questions...

Didn't we already suspect there was some Neil cloning going on?
And, if he's a superhero, where the hell was he on Tuesday?
  

    
I keep waiting for that moment when I feel like I've been able to
comprehend this, and it never comes.

What kind of reality are we in when I hear that 5000 people are dead,
and I don't know whether to feel gutwrenching pain or relief that it's
not 10,000 or even 20,000?  I felt both, at the same time, which is
making me feel crazy and like... an inadequate vessel for my own
experience.

I just want to keep saying how much my whole heart is attending toward
those who are suffering.  All the time.

Len: I work for the liver program at UCLA.  Just for your peace of
mind, I highly recommend that you go to your doctor to be tested for A,
B, and C viruses.  It may be that you've had a minimal exposure and
have cleared the virus.  In that case you would demonstrate core
antibodies, which is why you tested positive, but not have an active
virus.  Good luck.

Neil, Geoff's pictures were so powerful.  I agree with Martha, and I
hear it in the "voices" of those who are in NYC, DC--the terrible
clarity of seeing it immediately in front of you.

I'm struggling so deeply with my fears, with pain, with rage, with old
darknesses triggered by new trauma... I'm having trouble moving
forward.  It's like the entire world has been overrun by that terrible
dark cloud, and I'm stumbling around in it, trying to find a way out,
trying to connect with everyone around me, trying just to figure out
where I am...

The sense of helplessness is excruciating.  So that's what I'm trying
to act positively against, now.  I'm planning to write my Congress
representatives--even if I can't say it well, I need to plea for sanity
and for the innocents, for "these servants of the people" to counsel
and lead with all the wisdom they can offer.  I'm planning to organize
a donation at work to one of the helping organizations.  And I'm giving
blood, as soon after today as they can get me in.

It's such a long, dark shadow.  I feel like all I can do is to put all
my faith in the principle of: light a little candle.

-P
"Every person whose heart is moved by love and compassion, who deeply
and sincerely acts for the benefit of others without concern for fame,
profit, social position, or recognition expresses the activity of
Chenrezig [the Bodhisattva of Compassion]." 
--Bokar Rinpoche
  

    
Lenny said:

> Martha, I think it's C.  It's the noncontagious, benign one.
>  I don't have it now, but there are traces in the blood.

Lenny, what Pamela said about getting tested, I echo.

Hep C is contagious and not benign. However, with knowledge and good
medical care and good self-care, a person can definitely improve their
chances of doing well. (I have a family member with Hep C; a few of you
here know that. She was doing amazingly well the last time I saw her, I'm
glad to be able to report. But she, being a nurse, would probably tell
you that It Would Be Smart to  get more detailed tests and results, and 
more specific information about whether/how this affects your life now
and in the future.

That said,"gone but leaving traces in the blood" is much better than
"active," and I hope everything is well with you, and that it is
indeed one of the lesser Heps and gone besides. I like a lot of the
things I've seen you write and think about, and ... I just want everybody
to be OK right now, you know? (It is a wish that I suspect many share.)

Kelly said:
> I'm out on the blood donation thing because my husband is 
> bisexual. Item 6 or something, on the donation rules, promptly 
> rules me out. It annoys me; I understand that you can crunch 
> numbers and come up with high risk groups, but I also feel 
> it's unfair to write off an entire group of people and their 
> loved ones, simply because... well, that's a long rant, and 
> probably not appropriate here. 

I bet I know that rant too, though. *sigh* 

signed,
bisexual Lioness who therefore is not allowed to donate blood
and who is therefore looking at other helpful opportunities to be, well,
helpful....

P.S. I'm thinking it's a very good time to put connecting with people as
a higher priority than many other things, personally, and am busy looking
at the nitty-gritty of how to do that in everyday life.
  

    
Eep. Forgot to close the parentheses; sorry. Here:  )

Also, Pamela, your post #1359 is very moving and is connecting with
something deep within me, so I wanted to say thanks for writing it.

So thanks for writing it. <small grin>
  

    
E-mail from Dianna:

Hello all, especially those of you who've arrived since i last wrote.
Just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you all and wishing you
peace and safety.

i haven't posted for a long time but have been reading here most days
and enjoying your fine words and insights from my quiet corner of the
world, somewhere south of Lady Miss Tree.

The other night, my partner and i broke with tradition and switched
the TV on (we hadn't done so for at least a week) and we saw it
happen live, to our shock and disbelief.  i phoned my Dad straight
away (he was due to be in NY) and he was safe in Kansas City, but our
family friends Luke and Lisa worked for Morgan Stanley in the WTC and
i've not yet heard news of them. We are waiting and hoping^Ê

Neil - The first thing my Dad asked me was, "Is Neil okay? ", which i
thought very sweet, being that you are the only friend i have in the
US, that he knows of.  i hope your travel plans go smoothly. Take
care.

dianna
  

    
<lioness>: You're most welcome.  It was your post way back in that
other reality that helped, again, to encourage me to be open and real.

On the blood donor restrictions: I told the blood center the last time
they called me for a donation that I had been in the UK in the past
year, and they told me that it didn't matter.  They said something
like: well, it was less than a month.  And I remember saying: well,
yes, but I ate, drank and breathed there.  They would have allowed me
to donate anyway.  So I think the whole thing is somewhat locally
specific and random.

From another perspective: In my work, I see people who have been
devastated by receiving a life-threatening disease from a blood
donation improperly tested, or infected with diseases, like Hep C,
before there were tests available to detect them.  So I have to be
sympathetic for stringency.

Neil et al: How's Emma?  Poor Will must be so frustrated, on top of
everything.

Jinx: How's your mom?
  

    
Hey, Tara, may I have permission to pass along your post #1308 to some folks
who came to the candlelight vigil at church the other night? (I hang with a
bunch of UU ecumenical/pagans these days.) I had printed out a copy of it to
keep in my pocket and reread when it was helpful, which turned out to be
several times that day, and I showed it to one of them, and then the rest
crowded around, and several of them want copies and also want to know if
they can send it to other people, etc. So I said I'd ask you for permission;
I think one of them does a newsletter or something, and she would like to
know about permission to quote it there, as well.
  

    
Dear Neil, your latest journal entry gave me my first good laugh of
the day.  I only hope that I might one day be extended an invitation to
join the Legion of Substitute Neils, should my writing career ever
take off.  Or is that even a prerequisite?  Is there an application
process or is one simply invited to join?  I do a very good Neil-voice
now, I think, so I could take over the reading tours; I'm getting lots
of practice while reading your stories to Xander.
  

    
lioness: I'm emailing you the slightly re-written version of #1308
from a toast in Callahan's, if that's okay? And yes, you absolutely
have permission, and I'm touched and honoured that you have shared it
with others to try and help.
  

    
My brain is mushy today.

For those of you going "What? What the heck is Callahan's?", I'm
referring to a "virtual" bar in the form of a Usenet newsgroup
(alt.callahans) based on Spider Robinson's short fiction and novels set
in a bar in Suffolk Co., NY. The Place is an extraordinary community
that I've been a part of off and on for almost 10 years now.

Dan Guy: Regarding the Legion of Substitute Neils, how do you feel
about plants. Do you like plants? Do plants like YOU?

(okay, obscure DC Comics reference there...)
  

    
Now I'm even more confused - which Neil have I been teasing all this
time? Did the real Neil sign my book saying he doesn't mind my teasing?
Or was it a Neil clone, and the real Neil really minds my teasing a
whole lot, and the bad Neil clone is somewhere in the background
laughing his ass off at me?

Ow, my head is starting to hurt...
  

    
    Pamela:  Will reports that Emma has one more doctor's appointment
in the Cities tomorrow, and if nothing has changed abruptly (doesn't
seem likely), she'll fly home on Sunday (and boy, will her arm be
tired, ta-dum BOOM).  Turns out that two of their LA friends were stuck
here by the ground order, so she'll be sitting with them on the plane
and getting a ride home with them as well.
  

    
Mike: 
>she'll fly home on Sunday (and boy, will her arm be tired, ta-dum
>BOOM).  

<snort!>

That was good.  Thanks.
  

    
Heh Lioness... I'm not sure 'glad' is the right word, but I certainly
_appreciate_ that someone else feels my frustrations on that subject. I
just found the restriction out recently, and am still dealing with it
internally... it's a bit harder I don't really have the option to vent
at close friends; if I said I couldn't give blood, I'd have to explain
why, and that's dragging things they don't know about my mate into
conversations, and ugh... big headache. (I'm ranting again, aren't I?)

For those of us who forever reason cannot donate, here's another
option:

NYC Search and Rescue Dogs in Need
SAR Dogs are in great need of supplies such as booties and VetWrap to
protect their feet from the sharp rubble. Some now have only burlap,
which can endanger their footing and slows the search.

They also need of K9 eye/ear wash, and other first aid supplies.

Booties need to be sizes medium (Aussies and BC) and large (Labs, GSD,
Rotties). Vet Wrap can be in 4" or 2" widths.

Send CLEARLY marked packages identified as:

RESCUE DOG SUPPLIES to:

New York City Offices
c/o Search and Response
61 Chambers Street
New York, N.Y. 10007

These supplies can be bought online at any of the dog supply catalogs
as well as purchased at local pet shops and discount pet stores. 


JaNell... I was going to fall back out of conversations about the
attacks today, after having to deal with being called a coward and
other rather unnice things. Then I stopped and thought about it... and
realized that I have just as much a right to my opinion as the people
who disagree with me have to theirs. And, admittedly, I got a bit pissy
when I realized I was giving in to others hostilities, and actually
thinking about going away when someone told me my views weren't wanted.
 ...er, there I go ranting again. *guilty look*

Tara... I envy you, for being part of Callahans.


-Kelly, who's gonna hide from her keyboard, least she rant some
more...
  

    
Mom update~ She's outta surgery and recovery, with tubes up her nose
and down her throat, an IV in her neck and one in her hand, missing
1/3rd of her remaining intestine (which wasn't much in the  first
place), drugged out of her mind on Morphine, and very lonely. 
I've been trying to bribe the nurses into letting me bring one of the
cats in,.......no luck yet.
They kicked my sister and I out at 8 tonight, and my mother has been
calling about every half hour, the drugs have knockked out her short
term memory, and frankly it's tearing me up. 

Jinx going on about 7 hours sleep in the last 72-ish hours
  

    
     Jinx -- I know you love your mother, and I'm sure you'd be as
careful as possible, but please don't try to take a cat into a
hospital.  There are going to be other patients, some of whom will have
sensitivities to begin with and impaired immune systems on top of
that.  To be perfectly honest, in your mother's condition, it would be
no favor to her, even if cat dander is normally no problem.
     I'm sorry if I'm being scary, but I guess that's the point.
  

    
Mike, I hope all goes well with Emma getting her flight.  I'm watching them
say on television that they want you to get to the airport two to two and a
half hours before domestic flights; and that's not taking into account the
inevitable delays....
  

    
Tara, got the email about the post; thanks! (And I didn't know you hung out
in the Place. I'm up in the rafters on occasion myself.)

My Fairy Godmother from Toronto, the lovely and talented B.C. (whom Neil has
met, at one of the Toronto signings), just emailed me to tell me that she
won't be coming to Minneapolis tomorrow to visit me, because they cancelled
her flight. She's going to see whether she can reschedule.

I wonder whether the performers for the Minnesota Folk Festival this weekend
will be able to get here.

Such a week. So many things have changed for so many people in so short a
time.