Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
But if that is true, then why have I felt so isolated all these years?
Here and there I have heard some grisly confessions, but rarely
anything to match my own intense dislike of the entire institution of
motherhood (which by the way still exists today). Of course, I now see
that my dislike, or rather, loathing, comes from motherhood having been
introduced to me initially as hassle after hassle. Mothers with
"perfectly normal" babies, tho they may have to throw bottles in the
garage on occasion --and I really don't mean to diminish your feelings
and experience, paris--get a lot more pleasure from being a mother than
I ever have. Not all, of course, but many, maybe even most, do. 

I still do not like being a mother, there are still elements of it
that make me crazy, with my daughter as well as my son. But I
absolutely loooove being a grandmother, and believe that it is  the big
payoff for motherhood.

My complaint now is, if everyone identifies with the things I said,
how can it be that women rarely say these things themselves? Rarely
share them with each other? 

It strikes me that, the day before the ending of this conference, we
have come full circle--back to the topic of why mothers don't tell the
truth. I still believe that nature has coded this silence into our
genes  to serve the reproductive imperative. 
  

    

>> My complaint now is, if everyone identifies with the things I said,
 how can it be that women rarely say these things themselves? Rarely
 share them with each other? 

I think two things:  1. taboo is a powerful force  2. it seems to me
that your response, marcy, while reflecting many undisclosed feelings
of many or most mothers, is perhaps more global and/or stronger than
the negative feelings most (or at least many) mothers experience -
maybe partly because you got handed an especially tough and frustrating
maternal hand than many mothers do.
  

    

It's a deep taboo for some real reasons.  For one thing, moms don't
want to confess casually about how much they recent their parental role and
then have that passed along to the kid.  

That increases the chances of moms just not saying anything.  I'm thinking
that it is not just social disapproval, there's always the awareness 
that directing that info at a child might have unknown consequences and 
hurt the relationship further.    
  

    
Right. I think I must have said something along those lines up in the
beginning of this discussion.

Jonothan--or anyone else--is there any particular way you'd like to
close this? Any unanswered questions? Anyone interested in electronic
publishing/POD? I'm so happy with it I think I am going to publish a
novel that way; I feel like writers now have a way around the
impossible publishing industry.
  

    

Marcy, I'm curious about how you chose what publisher/service to go with 
for Print On Demand books.  What do you look for?
  

    


And while we're at it, how do people go about
getting your book - given this publishing strategy?
I would guess some folks here are anxious to read it.

If you're willing to stick around, this discussion
can continue past its  official end tomorrow. You've mentioned 
that you now wish you'd made thebook longer.  If
your up to it, I'd be interested to hear what you wish
you'd told about your daughter or other parts of the story.

 
  

    
If there are more specific questions to jog me into answers, then I'm
happy to stay on a little longer. I can't think up what to say without
the questions, though, not in this format (as opposed to sitting down
in book writing mode).

I read MJ Rose's book on electronic publishing; her co-author runs a
service and I was about to use it--like most others, she  charges  $200
set up fees. But then I found New Disability Press, part of
iUniverse.com.

 I didn't so much "choose" iUniverse so much as it chose me: I had
read and reviewed an anthology called "You Will Dream New Dreams" in
which parents of children w/ disabilities wrote about their
expereinces. Most were parents of younger children. Anyhow, the
publisher was New Disability Press, to whom I sent a copy of my review.
Stan Klein, co-editor of the book, turned out to be the person behind
NDP; it is part of the Barnes & Noble venture, and some higher-up at
B&N has a kid w/ a disability, so he gave this space to Stan, who's the
force behind the magazine Exceptional Parent, to encourage books on
disability. One thing led to another, and Stan said he'd be happy to
publish Perfectly Normal. The biggest thing in its favor for me was
that  NDP does not charge authors a setup fee, but takes it out of
royalties when the book has sold enough. I am making this quite
convoluted, aren't I? sorry. Anyhow, to publish a novel, I would  go
with iUniverse, and pay a fee- since I now have had a posiive
experience with them, they are who i would choose.

To order my book go to iUniverse.com and search. I'm told it can also
be bought via Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Don't ask me the difference
between B&N direct and B*N iUniverse, I do not understand the corporate
structure.

I apologize if the above is unnecessarily garbled and/or incoherent,
but long winding stories are hard to capture quickly, and I tend to
write quickly online.

Any more questions then?
  

    

I don't want to step in the way of any further questions, but thank you for
such an informative, generous and moving visit, Marcy.  And thanks to 
Jonathan and to everyone else who posted questions and thoughts here. 
  

    
I'm curious if you're familiar with a newish book called "The Bitch in the
House," which is a collection of essays on being a mother by a bunch of
different writers. I gather there is plenty of anger at motherhood in it.
  

    
Wow. Thank you. Never heard of it, will look for it.
  

    
Marcy and Jonathan, I want to join Gail in thinking you for bringing this 
discussion to Inkwell. We definitely encourage you to continue!
  

    
I just went to Amazon, where my book is listed, and a reader wrote a
review. Finally, somebody said everything I expected and feared would
be said: "self-absorbed," no contribution to topic of disability, a
"whine." I'm not too hurt because I've gotten such good feedback before
seeing that, but my immediate reaction isa desire to talk to this guy
and tell him why my self-absorbed whining is important.
  

    
It's hard to read negative reviews. How does a writer learn to ignore them
and carry on?
  

    
It just gets piled onto the pile....meanwhile, though, the first
chapter was published in the current issue of hip mama magazine, on
selected newsstands now.
  

    
That's great news, Marcy!
  

    
That IS great. I will be receiving a copy of your book from Coleman,
as soon as I get a chance to get over the bay to see him. 
I look forward to reading it, though I'm prepared for a bit of
heartache. 

Thanks, Marcy. 
Good luck with the novel! 
  

    
Thank YOU!