Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
(oops!  There's been some classic WELL "slippage" and the following
post was in response to <72>.)

Heh!  That's so rich, Deborah!

Speaking of Miles, it reminds me of some of the reactions I had while
reading your book.  Miles is also one of my #1 idols - if not THE #1. 
He might not have been the greatest trumpeter in history, but he was
arguably the greatest *musician* in history.  But I digress...

I was struck by the notion that Miles admired both your father and
Carlos.  (I recalled, not from your book, but from the autobiography,
_Miles_, with Quincy Troupe, that Miles spoke well of Carlos.)  Do you
think there's some significance in that, Deborah?  I mean, Miles was
not easily given to *liking* people, from what I've gathered.  I never
met him, but I'd always heard that he was a bit edgy and much inclined
to bluntly dismiss most people he encountered.  
  

    
Deborah, I also have you to thank for providing me with a portrait of
John McLaughlin (AKA Mahavishnu).  For many years I'd listened to
Miles' _Bitches Brew_, which included the track, "John McLaughlin"
(second LP).  And for some reason I'd had a deplorable lack of
curiosity about the name of that track.  I didn't know who he was, nor
had I enquired or investigated.
  

    
<Miles admired both your father and Carlos>

That is an astute observation, gerry.  My dad was the ultimate in
cool, the handsome, private, elegant musician who did not try to make
people like him.  His musicianship was great - many musicians have said
how impressed they are with the way he chose notes and played riffs. 
Miles was all about attitude and style.  He probably thought Saunders
King was the high class of jazz with dad's detachment from critics and
fans and his beautiful wardrobe.

Miles was a great listener.  When he first heard (the original)
Santana Band at the Fillmore East, he told them they had the best band
in the world.  Miles seemed to be drawn to Carlos - maybe  because he
was fearless in bringing new sounds  and was always dedicated to the
music, changing musicians to bring out the best.

  
  

    
That's great.  Here's an excerpt I think sums it up:

 "_Bitches Brew_ sold faster than any other album I
  had ever done, and sold more copies than any other
  jazz album in history.  Everyone was excited 
  because a lot of young rock fans were buying the
  album and talking about it.  So that was good.

  All that summer, I was touring and playing rock
  rock halls with Carlos Santana, the Chicano 
  guitarist who plays Latin rock.  Man, that 
  m***rf***r can play his ass off.  I loved the way
  he played, and he's a very nice person.  We got to
  know each other real well over that summer and we
  have kept in touch.

  We were both recording for Columbia.  I was
  opening up for Carlos, and I felt comfortable with
  that because I liked what he was doing.  Even when
  we weren't playing together, if I was in the same
  city where he was playing I would go and catch his
  concerts.  

  I think he was recording his album _Abraxas_ around
  this time, and I used to go in the studio to hear
  what they were doing.  He told me he learned all
  about how to use silence in his music from me.  We
  would hang out, me, him, and the music critic Ralph
  Gleason."

    -- Miles Davis with Quincy Troupe
       _Miles: The Autobiography_, pp. 317, 318
       Touchstone (Simon & Schuster), 1989
  

    
Miles' mention of being comfortable opening for Santana stands in
stark contrast with another part of the book, where he tells of
clashing with Bill Graham about having to open for Steve Miller at the
Fillmore East.  Miles said that he deliberately came late, forcing
Steve Miller to go on first, because he didn't respect what Steve
Miller was doing musically.
  

    
Speaking of clashing with Bill Graham, Deborah, among the many things
in your book that filled me with admiration was your account of being
able to forgive him for his earlier mistreatment of you.  That upon
learning about his painful and tormented childhood you could see past
his tough outer shell and forgive him and love him is, in my view, a
demonstration of divine compassion.
  

    
Deborah, I know that running Santana Management and Milagro, plus
managing your household must keep you jumping every day. How do you
find time in your schedule to write? 
  

    
<How do you find time in your schedule to write?>

I have to MAKE time in my schedule to write.  Normally (without a book
in publication), I write mornings.  It is my best time and my most
creative time.  I hear words in a new way and my muse is alive.  I have
developed a system of full-on Santana work days - Tuesdays and
Thursdays - with Wednesday in the middle to write all day, if I can.  

My mom needs assistance and I still take care of our children, so my
time is not all mine, which is just fine.  

When I was first writing Space Between the Stars, I had a desperation
to write.  Now writing has become a natural part of my life and I look
forward to putting pen to paper everyday.
  

    
One of the most satisfying parts of my book tour has been connecting
with people I have not seen for many years.  In Harlem, I saw and spoke
with the man who had driven Carlos and Miles to the nightclub in NY
when Miles was picking the fight with the bouncer/security guard.  He
now studies Sufism and has continued a peaceful, loving life.

In Connecticut I saw a woman who cried telling me that Sri Chinmoy had
kicked her off his meditation path.  "What a blessing," I said.  "Now
you know with certainty he was not of God because we are all equally
loved and valued by God - there's no exit door on a true path."

In Mountain View, I saw a young woman who had worked with Carlos and
me in our home 20 years ago.  It was as if I was seeing my daughter,
yet with no time having passed.  Immediate connection and love.

So, thank you one and all for showing up and confirming the truth I
live - we are all one and much greater than the worries and wars of the
world.
  

    
Deborah, I found I could relate to your story in a number of ways. 
First, I'm of the same generation, so my timeline growing up closely
overlaps with yours.

Also, I've spent most of my life living in either in San Francisco or
the Los Angeles area, with a lot of back and forth between the two.  I
especially liked the degree of detail that you provided in the book
with regard to places.  Practically every place you mentioned is a
place that I was at or near or passing through, etc., at roughly the
same time as you.  For example, when you were on Holloway, I was also
in West Hollywood on Hammond, below the landmark "9000" building on
Sunset.  That kind of detail, including street names, enabled me to
"see" much of your story in my mind, and made it seem more real.

But this also made me wonder, suppose I were someone who'd never been
to California and didn't know any of these places?  Would the story
have been any less interesting?  I don't think so, but it's hard to say
for sure.  I remember when I read some of Thomas Hardy's works, such
as _The Mayor of Casterbridge_, I appreciated how Hardy described the
places he wrote about in great detail.  The places he described were
real, but he gave them fictional names in his books.  At one point, he
even provided a map of County "Wessex," which was actually Co. Dorset,
with the names of the various places.  He was probably given to that
level of detail because he was an architect.  When I actually went to
Co. Dorset, years after reading the books, I was thrilled to see that
everything was just like I'd imagined it.

Anyway, I wonder if that's an issue that you pondered while writing
the book.  I mean, did you ask yourself, 'Do I include the name of the
street or not?'  Or did it just come naturally to you to include such
details.  Any have you received any criticism for doing so?
  

    <scribbled by gerry Sat 11 Dec 10 09:24>
  

    <scribbled by gerry Sat 11 Dec 10 09:24>
  

    
<'Do I include the name of the street or not?'  Or did it just come
naturally to you to include such details. >

I lived so many places in LA that it was a type of emotional reference
to name streets and locations.  Also, providing details in writing is
extremely important to differentiate between scenes and to make an area
come alive, as you mention Thomas Hardy did in his work.
  

    
<Also, I got the impression that, when you and Carlos decided to cease
being "disciples," it wasn't that difficult for you.  Was it that
easy? Or did you have issues to struggle with for a time?>

It was extremely difficult for me to leave the meditation centre.  I
had to leave my sister, our restaurant that I had built from an empty
store front into a flourishing business, and the people who I had been
isolated with, who were friends, even though we had to keep a certain
distance from each other.

I felt more alone than I ever had before, but Carlos and I had each
other again and that was important.

Because the publishers were not particularly interested in that part
of my life/memoir, I cut 200 pages and did not provide scenes of the
anguish of leaving the disciple life.  I was very angry with myself for
believing in Sri Chinmoy and with him for offering deception.  You are
exactly correct when you say that leaving a cult is a long process
filled with pain and questioning.
  

    


Jan Millard writes:



I spent last Friday listening to the audio book, and all day Saturday reading
the hardback copy, because I could not put it down.  I am sorry that I was
unable to come to your book signing in Pasadena, but my work day made it
impossible.  Hopefully, you will plan another southern journey, and include a
store closer to Riverside.

Your honesty and revelations were brilliant, and it was almost eerie how much
your writing resembled my own journals.  I have been married to my husband
for 27 years, and your worst secrets are my worst secrets.  I am amazed that
you were able to discuss them so openly, and wonder if I will ever be able to
do likewise.  When I write in my journal I am so brutally honest, often in a
fantastical manner, but I keep those words to myself.  The times that I have
premitted others to share, or (worse yet) when I have been violated by
someone sneak-reading my journals, left me feeling mentally raped.  There are
whole periods of my life where I simply refused to put my thoughts down
because my husband would read my journals behind my back, and I didn't want
to censor MYSELF.  (Irony!)  I marvel at your ability to continue to write,
even when you had to be so brutally truthful, and fully understand why you
couldn't let Carlos read rough drafts.  Disapproval would have made you leave
out your true essence, which would have been dishonest to everyone, but most
especially yourself.  At any rate, you have inspired me to not give a damn
what others say!  "Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty" afterall.

On the thought of a book by your husband, if he had to tell the stories of
his infidelities, would that reopen old wounds for both of you, or would it
serve as the final healing catharsis to mend the hurt and put it irrefutably
behind you forever?   Did your Mother respect your wishes and leave the
staples in her copy of the book?   And were you concerned about your son and
daughter's reactions to the two abortions?  I think, as a parent, I have been
straight forward with my daughter about the wildness of the 1970's, etc., but
I am not sure I'll ever be ready to tell my Mother everything!   What kind of
feedback have you received from your family?

Sincerely,
Jan Millard
  

    
Your publisher may not have been interested in the excised pages,
Deborah but I certainly am. Really would have liked to read more about
the whole How and Why of your experience with Sri Chinmoy. Any chance
you might include the 200 pages in another work? or post it on your
website for us to read?
  

    
Good question, <su>.  I'm also interested.
  

    

Amazing as it might seem, two whole weeks have flown by since this
conversation began. I want to thank you, Deborah for sharing so much of 
your time, of your energy, of yourself here. I also want to thank you,
Su, for your grace in guiding this discussion.

Our virtual spotlight has turned to a new author, but this topic doesn't
have to end; it will remain open for further comment indefinitely. Please
feel free to continue if you're able, Deborah and Su, and if you need
to wrap it up, thank you both for joining us.
  

    
<On the thought of a book by your husband, if he had to tell the
stories of his infidelities, would that reopen old wounds for both of
you, or would it serve as the final healing catharsis to mend the hurt
and put it irrefutably behind you forever?   Did your Mother respect
your wishes and leave the staples in her copy of the book?   And were
you concerned about your son and daughter's reactions to the two
abortions? >  
   

I don't think I could read Carlos's stories of infidelities.  And, I
don't think he would tell them.  Carlos is one who lives in the present
with tremendous positive energy.  My sharing of his
faltering/humanness gave him great pain, not because he was exposed,
but because he felt my anguish and sorrow.  He is not the same person,
so he would never recount that time.

Yes, my mother has honored my request to not read the painful pages. 
I know she is tempted, but she is sensitive and trusts my
judgment/warning.

Only Salvador (21) and Stella (20) read SBTS.  They did not comment on
specific parts of my story that caused them tears, but both said they
cried and laughed at my life.  I believe it extremely important not to
malign myself or anyone for the choices we've made in life.  There is
so much hurt on the journey...  
Salvador and Stella believe in freedom of choice and in healing and
forgiveness.  Maybe one day we'll speak about specifics of the book. 
Maybe not.
  

    
<What kind of feedback have you received from your family?>

All loving support.  Carlos's sisters who read my book say they feel a
new tenderness and love for me.  Isn't that lovely?
  

    
Thank you, one and all, for participating in this conversation about
"Space Between the Stars."  I have enjoyed being a visitor to The Well
and it was all Su's idea - thank  you, Su.

Please check my website for news of upcoming book events if you want
to hear me read -  www.deborahsantana.com

All of you who want to write your stories, begin or continue.  I am
truly transformed by the experience of speaking my life out into the
universe.  Who knows why it took me so long?  I believe it is perfect
timing.  

So, follow your own rhythm, your own light, your own truth and dance
on down the road...

Peace out -

Deborah Santana
  

    
Thank you, Deborah. I hope we'll see more books from you in the
future.
  

    
Debra is given great coverage on today's CBS Sunday Morning in a piece about
Carlos Santana.  They do one cut of a book event in San Francisco.
  

    
Debra sb Deborah.