20:40) Joseph Wilson 06-OCT-94

I got the one day and it is seeming to make a difference or I'm just a gullible shopper. Finally got the suit for a wedding that reeks of expectations. I am expected to (fill in the blank). The suit was $42, used, blue, from the forties. I feel like Jimmy Stewart gone bad. I am Jimmy Stewart gone bad. The tie was $18, the damn tie was $18 and the suit was $42! Who is in charge of the calculations department. I hate buying things to where at things where everyone else is wearing their things and commenting how good each other looks in their things. I kept thinking "can't wear this at a funeral." Everything is a fucking parade: weddings, funerals, graduation, church, birth if it's a multiple. Bowing my head feels like hypocrisy so I don't and if anyone notices they're cheating. As with all family functions I bring a camera, video keeps them way off, too linear for idle chat, questions and answers quicken in front of the glowing red light. "On The Air" they think, blue suit Mom will think, Dad will think it looks like Jimmy Stewart gone bad, sister will think it is Jimmy Stewart gone bad. "So when are you going to do it?" they will ask me, the last of a set of three with a light left hand. "I'm the fucked up middle child" I say "and I won't do it without a marching band going right up the aisle playing All You Need is Love." It's all a damn parade.

forwards ..... backwards ..... link ...... or...... rewind