Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
Adriana: That is... just... incredible.  Stunning.  Faith-renewing.

Michaela: Wow!  Good luck on your trip!  Be sure to tell Neil that
you're from The Well.

JaNell: Amen, sistah.  The proof is in the pudding, as they say.  

Will: I think the point of these kinds of things are as boundaries. 
These were behaviors and points of view that reflected the mindset that
women were inferior and UNABLE to care for themselves, either socially
or physically; thus men held the power to vote or open (or not open)
doors.  They may be considered contaminated by way of their origin,
rather than current intent.  Some feminists feel that they are markers
which shout "Dangerous Territory," and refuse to go there as a way of
saying, "We won't go back to being what we were."

Personally, I struggle with it occasionally.  I think it _is_
important to find ways to manifest the ideological changes we're trying
to make in our society, and to point out that some actions can carry
hidden messages you may or may not intend.  Human beings learn by
modeling.  Usually, I lean in the direction of "whatever works for
you," though.  I never mind people opening doors for me, but every once
in a while I get irritated with my husband when he insists on carrying
all the groceries.

On the other hand, I was once attacked by a feminist for changing my
name when I married my husband.  The conversation went something like
this:

Me: Well, Kevin [my husband] offered to change his name to mine,
actually.  Which I thought was terrific of him, even though I had no
desire for him to do that.  Then we talked about doing the hyphenated
thing or combining them to form a new name, but "Basham-Long" (say it
out loud) is really very silly.  "Bong" or "Lasham" (say it out loud)
are absolutely out.  So, after thinking about it for a few months, I
took his name.

Feminist: There's absolutely no reason to do it.  It sends all the
wrong message.

Me:  That's funny, I thought there were _my_ reasons to do it, which I
have the right to act upon, as a free woman.

To me, the essence of the thing is FREEDOM.  Equality gets you there,
to the point where you truly have the right and the ability to do what
you choose to do.  This creates personal validity.

I don't feel, under the current circumstances, that who opens the door
threatens my sense of freedom.  If something does bother me, I try to
ascertain the intent behind the action.  If I believe no harm was
intended, I agree with JaNell: tact goes a long way.
  

    
I am with you, Pam.  Intent is key.  And you ABSOLUTELY have the
freedom to decide for yourself.  The best thing is that you took the
time to really evaluate it, and came up with your own conclusion,
instead of just doing it by rote.  

Fun Fact: My hubby David's last name was López, and mine was Rowe. 
Neither of us wanted each other's names, and we didn't really know what
we wanted until about a year ago, when I actually had a VISION that
our name was Róze.  We only just changed it legally a few months ago. 
I like being a flower.

Interestingly, I have encountered women from every side asking me why
the hell I did it and why didn't I just take his name and WHY am I
rocking the boat, blah blah blah.  I've even got dirty looks when I've
explained it.  This makes no sense to me.  I keep forgetting when I
talk to other women that not all of them are even AWARE of their
oppression, let alone doing something about it.  
  

    
Pamela - tell your husband that he's right, for some reason the most
incompetent people seem to end up in management. Todays brilliance: the
power was off for 3 hrs, but no one could leave. Then the air
conditioning went out (power came back), and no one could leave, even
as the office temperature climbed to 90+. Then maintenance started
cutting the grass, right as they opened all the office doors and set
fans to blow air (and apparently grass pollen) from the outside. Then
all the smokers started standing right behind a fan to smoke, blowing
smoke into the building, as well. At that point my asthma said "HA!"
and I broke down into a coughing fit and took myself and work home, to
my bosses extreme displeasure.

Sigh. Oh well.

Mary - where did you see the Junkies? How was the show? I'm buying my
tickets next week for their Seattle show... saw the freebie they did
back in May up here, and cannot wait for a longer show. (I saw Waltz
Across America last year...)

Linda - oooh, goodies. Thank you. I suppose he's probably promoting
another Discworld book? And who needs a spaceship to Mars... he's
sitting right there... *points over at the futon*

As for opening doors things (Will and JaNell and everyone) ... the way
we generally work it is whomever gets there first; generally he opens
the outer door and I catch the inner door for him. Moving back into the
goth scene has forced me to step back and let the gents do more door
opening, but I admit that I get a kick of it ... mostly because I know
I don't need them to, as I could pin most of them in 5 seconds flat... 
:-)

I didn't take my others name, and he didn't take mine. In fact, he
changed his entirely... and I spent a good amount of our first year
explaining to all my relatives that I wasn't Kelly X, I was still Kelly
Hills. *growls* I gave up and finally started sending all mail
addressed to Kelly X back to sender with "not at address" on the
envelope.  

Woo, asthma meds have kicked in and I'm jittery as anything.. typing
is now impossible, so I go to lay down...

-Kelly
  

    
Pamela, well said to Will.

About names:
I've been married more than once, and have never taken another name.
In fact, my ex took mine, his choice. My husband's last name is Howell,
and there's no way I'd be Mrs. or "Lovey" Howell.
Plus, I love my first and last names, they go well together, and I'm
color coded, as well. :D
Also, my oldest son has my last name, not his father's, as I believe
firmly in matralineal naming. I mean, you always know who the mom is,
and we give more DNA (all mitachondrial DNA is directly from your
mother). Plus his father has never wanted to be part of his life, so
why should he get to put his name on him?
My second son has his father's name, because I lost a bet... We agreed
that if he was a girl, she would have my name, a boy, his. Cam failed
to tell me that no girls had been born in his father's line for
generations. Sneaky bastidge. ;>

I usually just tell people I didn't take a slave name...
  

    
E-mail from Dianna:

Will - So the mysterious origins of this word remain a mystery - i 
suspect someone may have been having some fun at the expense of an 
unwitting National Geographic reporter. And YAY for chivalrousness. 
i'm not certain that it's a real word, but you know what i mean :)

JaNell - Thankyou for the definitions. Whether or not these are 
insults or terms of affection is, in my experience, determined by who 
says what to whom and in which context or tone of voice. My gay and 
lesbian friends will call each other poof and seppo (seppo just being 
an abbreviation of separatist) freely along with a host of other 
names, as the occasion arises. These words take on an entirely 
different meaning when yelled out a car window by rednecks.

Perhaps it has something to do with claiming ownership of the words, 
hence the fabulous t-shirts worn by mannish lesbians emblazoned with 
"That's _Ms. Bulldyke_ to you."

Adriana - You made all my hairs stand on end, reading your beautiful, 
beautiful story!

from dianna, who lives in a town where rednecks are called chiggas, 
rather than yobs, bogans or bevans, as in other parts of the country, 
and is wondering if they ever call themselves by those names....
  

    
E-mail from Jouni:

Dianna - Seppo? This propably doesn't have anything to do with it, but Seppo
is a very common finnish mans name. It can also describe an average
man-of-the-streets... an 'Ordinary Joe'.

Neil - Seems like you're havin' fun in the UK. :-)

Jouni (who has twice already moved the bookmark 70 pages back to make
American Gods last longer...)
  

    

I am returned.

It is a good book.
  

    
JaNell--your Southern is showing--manners!  How I miss them!  Where
men of my age & even younger *know* how to address your mom & grandma
(It's "ma'am" & "Miz".  They're good words.  They won't bite you). 
Where I grew up, men who didn't hold doors, pull out chairs & carry
heavy things for *all* women (not just the ones they were interested
in) sat at home on the weekend.....

My definition of "Lady" pays no attention to the salt in her language,
and lots of attention to honesty and integrity and that unfashionable
concept, personal honor (and I am *not* talking about male definitions
of a woman's "honor", I mean doing what you say you'll do, because you
said you would).  And grace--not the physical kind, but the ability to
make someone feel at home, even if they've never been here before.   
 
Goodness, how did I get up on this soapbox?  I agree with, well,
everybody--if you've got a free hand, grab the door & I'll get the next
one.  A simple "thank you" is sufficient.  There is more than enough
rudeness in the world without us looking for reasons to get offended by
each other.  The next time someone snaps at you for opening a door for
her, Will, you tell them to come see me.  I've got a few things to
tell'em.....<growl>

And feel free to visit south of the Mason Dixon anytime.  You sound
like you "was raised right".  ;-)

Mary

P.S.  I've always thought that the reason Southern men opened doors
was because they knew who ran the show.  Ever heard the phrase "Steel
Magnolia"?  There ain't nothin' weak about most Southern women....O.K.,
I must stop, I've gotten my accent back! 

Jouni--Hi!  Aren't you getting close to daddyhood?  Good luck!  Keep
us posted!
  

    
Diana - I like this one a lot:
"You say Bitch like it's a BAD thing."
I could wear that...

Mary Roane - I guess under that definition, I might qualify as a
lady...
But I *do* live in Knoxville, plenty south of the Mason-Dixon. And
dur, of course women run the show, all the DNA for budgeting money,
general common sense, and integrating your big head and your little
head, are on that leg of the chromosome that the Y is missing... ; >
  

    
E-mail from Jouni:

Mary - Close, but still waiting. Thanks, and I will keep you posted... I
mean you all are the little persons fairy godmothers and -fathers, right?
;-)

Jouni
  

    
I'm a fairy god-father?  Rock!
  

    
Hello everyone.

Jouni-good luck!

everyone- wow! what interesting conversations you're having!

Well, today was my last day at the Winkind Lizard Tavern. Finally.
Been going to a lot of interveiws and what not. I'm torn between two
jobs that I really like:  Half-Price Books and Veterinary ass. at an
animal hospital. Both would be cool. We'll see I guess. I'm nervous and
excited at the same time. Er.

I guess I didn't have much to say, but I haven't posted in a while so
I thought I'd say Hello.
  

    
Wow, I had a major lurking attack.  A whole week! I blame the fact
that you don't have to sign in to look at inkwell.  Too easy to just
breeze over, never have to sign in...
Well, I've fixed that--I've deleted my 115 bookmark.  Now I must go
thru the WELL...and I'll stop that lurking in its tracks.

(wait a minute...you don't go anywhere when you lurk...bad metaphor,
bad, bad, no supper for you!!)

Pam, way back in #442:
>Rebecca: I forgot to mention that I did read Ellen Kushner's     
>_Swordspoint_, and liked it quite a bit.  What's odd is that one of
>the things that sticks with me the most is the really twisted thing
>she did, having all those spider-souled people sitting around
>drinking _hot cocoa_.  She must have done that mind-warp
>deliberately, don't you think?  

You're not kidding, wasn't that sort of chilling?  Kushner is a most
fine writer, so deft and delicate, but such a steely underpinning.  She
grabs your senses, drags them into the maw of her book, shakes them
(and you) around in her jaws.  (Hmmm...wolf mouth??)  I only wish she
had more books out, but then perhaps it is quite a process, and they'd
be not-so-exquisite if more numerous.   _Thomas the Rhymer_ is amazing,
if you're into Faerie.  Excellent weaving of ballads--and the crafting
of them--into the storytelling.  The story and the writing resonate.

Mary & Pam--So _The Wooden Sea_ is something to check out?  I was just
reading a review of it, thinking of ordering...thinking of all of the
other books I want to get...

Pam, again--It was Too Weird.  Your fierce just-finished-AG post, in
116, you're talking about a Dylan lyric.  I'm reading your post. 
Playing in the background is my most recently adopted CD, _A Nod to
Bob_ (for his 60th, and very recommended). Guess which song is
playing--even better, guess which LYRIC is being sung--as I read?  It
all has to do with Neil, I'm sure of it.

Michaela--Hi!! Not to worry, I lurked, then posted-without-membership,
and they took me right in.  I hardly ever get threatening and
degrading email about it, either.  ;)
Hope Canterbury is great...really, it was not at all my favourite
English town (just a *little* bit commercial...sorta Disneylandy, but
with the Pardoner and the Wife of Bath instead of Mickey Mouse and Snow
White), but Neil being there will make it all better.  Do tell us all
about it when you get back!  And...(my own little school thing)--I
actually got through my BA in four consecutive years (mostly b/c on
scholarship, and I didn't want to actually have to PAY for
school!)--and ever since have done my wandering and backtracking and
musing about what I really want to be doing.  I even went back to
school (pre-vet!  my BA is in art!), then got sick and had to quit, and
decided I didn't want to do that anyway. Too many allergies, sigh.  I
think I'm still looking.  So really I think it's better to take the
long-degree version.  There, that's my say about that.

To do with that door-opening thing.  My momma would whup me if'n I
didn't open doors for people.  Kind of like sending thank-you notes. 
Round here, that whole thing seems to be more of a
younger-people-opening-doors-for-older-people thing, less a clear-cut
guys-for-gals thing.  

Erynn--1/2 Price Books or Veterinary Assistant??  Hmmm, on one hand,
you'll be an indentured servant to a bookstore (you don't actually
expect to bring home MONEY, working at a bookstore??), on the other,
there's always that nasty animal-collecting thing that happens when you
work for a vet.  They just stick to you, and you take them home.  The
books don't eat as much...but it is fun to work for a vet...as long as
you practice keeping a grip on amazingly squiggly things.  You may want
to make a Jell-O mold cat, coat it with vegetable oil, set it upon the
washing machine, set that on spin, and see how you do.  The worst cat
I ever had to restrain had only 3 legs and could break out of every
known grip.  Amazing.    

Adriana--you are my brand new Hero for that Italian story.  Wow.

Kelly--You need a HEPA filter.  You may need six.  If you get a strong
enough one it will not only clean your air, it may suck up your filthy
little boss.

Ok, now I'm finished my post-lurking purge. I feel better now.
Rebecca 
  

    
E-mail from Dianna:

Mary - There was a sign outside the church a few doors down from me that read :
Grace and tact - the virtues by which you can make someone feel at 
home, when you wish they were.
It made me smile.

Jouni - How long to go before Baby comes?

dianna
  

    

I gotta weigh in on this door-opening thing.  I love having doors opened
for me and seats pulled out and other polite stuff.  And I like to
reciprocate.  So imagine my astonishment one day as I see a woman heading
toward a door struggling with an armful of books, and I walk ahead of her
to get the door.  AFTER she steps through she turns to me and sneers,
"What are you?  Some kinda GIRL SCOUT?"
  

    
Oh, no, she didn't...
I might have retorted, "With THAT attitude, honey, you don't have a
right to complain about how rude people are, EVER."

Linda, if you see me struggling with a door, or about to, please open
it for me. I'll open it for you.
  

    
A message from canterbury: am still alive, in case anyone was
wondering. Happy to see everything continues in my absence. 

Look forward to meeting Michaela later today...
  

    
E-mail from dianna:

Eureka! Tonight the answer to my question was revealed - at a dinner 
party with a Sub-Continental Theme. A dear friend who works as a 
psychologist in a prison had heard the term SEPPO and was able to 
explain it.

It's rhyming slang -  short for septic tank.... Gah.

Sorry JaNell, and all of you who are strictly Southerners :)

dianna
  

    
Thanks for all the stories about the Mouths of Wolves... just
wonderful stuff!

On the opening doors thing - My lover lets me open doors for her just
fine, but doesn't let me pay for things... she says (with tongue only
partly in cheek) that it's emasculating.

Erynn - Did you say "Veterinary ass"? What exactly is that? A pet
proctologist?

Neil - glad you're still alive. You are missed, but as always you are
in our thoughts and peppered throughout our conversation.
  

    
Oh... and I should probably mention, we opened the show last night and
got a very warm response from the audience. Also, to our great
amazement, we got a very nice picture of me and my co-lead in the San
Francisco Chronicle Datebook section yesterday.
I have no idea how we managed THAT little trick, but I'm quite happy
about it.
  

    

How did I miss that??!
  

    

Dude! Cool!
I'm off now to dig up yesterday's Datebook section.
So, when are we all going to go see it?
  

    

When are show times/dates?  How much are the tickets?  How many people
needed to get a group discount? %^)
  

    
Dan- yes hon, I'm gonna be a veterinary ass. 

Well, either that or a book person. Got to watch a dog surgery upon
the interveiw/orientation. The poor things were everywhere and the Vets
operating on him looked up and said rather cheerfully "Heellooo
Erynn!" I nooded at them and smiled and then looked down at the dog
guts again and probably frowned. Not that I'm a squeamish person. I'm
just not used to people smiling and laughing while they play with guts.
Anyway, that's mainly what I would be doing as a Veterinary Ass. It
has it's benefits. 
  On the other hand, at Half-Price books I would get full medical
benefits that they don't take out of my check and half-price of the
already half-price books and cd's. Oh my. That would be too wonderful.
The pay is a little less than the former, but I spend a lot of my money
on books and cds anyway, so I guess it would be even in the end.
Dunno.

Damn Dan. I wish I could see your show. One of these days Jess and I
will have to come pay you a visit. Anyhoo, break a leg as always.

Found out the other day that I have Scoliosis (sp?). I'm falling
apart. I've got to save some money so I can get one of those weird
hanging bondage contraptions so I can hang from it and feel better. 

Neil- hello! Glad to hear you are doing well as always. I'm currently
re-reading Sandman and had *almost* forgotten how wonderful it was.
Can't stop seeing you in Dream, though. I keep expecting him to start
talking about pumpkins, the kids and cats. Ha. 

Erynn, who genuinly wishes that her own cats would stop chasing
eachother and running into things. 
  

    
Rebecca - just wanna jump in and say all of Jonathan Carroll's books I
would highly recommend.  I've only ever read one I didn't particularly
care for, and I think it was just a matter of personal taste so I
won't say which one.

Jen.