Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
Pamela, I can't resist.

NEIL:
(naughty bad wicked growly seductive voice, recklessly eyeballing)

Oh, Neil, tell me *all* about those Scary Trousers.

(chortle)
  

    
Pamela -- yes, it'll be part of the Meisterthings series.  I don't
know when it's due, but I'm sure it's not before next spring.
  

    
Billbill -- I wish I'd seen the HOAXBUSTERS. The Fiddle Game came from
some aging book or other, the bishops's necklace I think I found in a
book either by PT Barnum or Houdini, and the nightsafe I thought I made
up, but it seems to be enough of an urban legend that people might
actually do it.

Lenny -- sorry I've not replied to your e-mail. You are one of a
multitude. Glad you feel better.

I still don't understand the economics of bookselling -- ever since a
top man at a previous incarnation of Harper Collins pointed out to me
that books that didn't earn out royalties still made the publisher a
profit, which was how they could afford to pay authors millions for
books that would never earn those millions back, I realised it was all
imaginary.

ANgelina -- language is a strange beast. I started quoting some of my
favorite bits of Chris Morris's BLUE JAM (now available on CD from the
UK yay!) to someone recently who got deeply offended, and all I could
say was it wouldn't have been funny if the words they used had been
different. (Like some of the good Derek & Clive routines from the first
record.)

JaNell -- "fear of being swallowed into Neilness..." Good lord. Well,
keep resisting those recommendations.

JaNell -- Mr Punch is explained in a book I wrote called Mr Punch.

Will -- I'd send a manuscript to an agent double spaced. That way if
they love it and want to send it straight to a publisher, they can.

Pamela -- I think it's the accent that makes that story.

Erynn -- yup, it's a very cool album and a lovely idea, and the songs
are terrific.

Linda -- well, she's not computering right now. Next time she settles
down to make an album I'll ask her for you.

Jo -- Good but disturbing was the idea.

Adriana -- I thought exactly the same thing. A journalist desperately
in need of a story "How wacky these people are -- after a day of
recording they sit around and have dinner and talk about stuff!" And
having been at many of those dinners, which were like many of the
dinner tables I've been at in my life, where smart people have things
to talk about, and do, I can't for the life of me work out what's so
weird about it.

Lioness -- you are very welcome. I'm glad I'm proving useful in
dreams.

They creep into the writing process a bit: Shadow's wife, Laura, came
from a dream in which my wife (who wasn't Mary) was dead, and a
vampire, and wandering around killing people who bothered me. And I
woke up and thought, that feels sort of right.

But story logic isn't dream logic, so I rarely take stories from
dreams.

Jouni -- it depends on what the kid likes, and how old you're thinking
of. Just remember that favourite books have to be read to small
children thousands of times.

jaNell -- well, the best fictionalised version of the Scary Trousers
story is in Eddie Cambell's last bacchus book. I recommend it.
  

    
Neil, you said "JaNell -- Mr Punch is explained in a book I wrote
called Mr Punch."
Um, I kinda figured that. 
I just wanted to know how it related to your message board's
disfunction.
  

    

Ooooh:

"Linda -- well, she's not computering right now. Next time she settles
 down to make an album I'll ask her for you."

!!
  

    
Cool. If she comes, we can build furniture and bowers out of twigs and
scraps of tinsel and hang them with dried flowers.

Neil, would you be willing to comment on the subject of writing in a
bower, or a gazebo, or a small tastefully appointed cell in the midst of
nature, or any of the other Writerly Places that aren't within either
houses or cafes/bars (or trains, which are, I think, mobile versions of
one or the other or both of those things anyhow)?

Elise,
blushing at having asked something rather interviewly-sounding, but
actually curious, as Tori's elf collage-type-ritual-thingies as
described in some book or other are bringing on thoughts of place and
arrangement and the magics thereof.
  

    
Neil -- http://www.angliatv.com/hoaxbusters/content.html is the site
affiliated with the show I saw, but it doesn't seem to have anything
other than some general information on it. Perhaps they have copies of
it for sale if you email them.
  

    
Howdy!

First for the funny thing:

One of my co-workers saw a picture of Neil on my friend Debbie's
computer, and thought he was very handsome.  Because she's the office
cut-up, she had Debbie print out the picture and hung it up by her
desk. She has short, dark hair, and yesterday, she looked in a mirror
and said, "I need a haircut!  I look like Neil!"  I howled.  We haven't
gotten her started *reading* Neil yet, but she's turning into a fan,
alright.

Now the poopy stuff:

My friend Debbie was laid off today. My day job (as opposed to the
part-time evening job) is a bloody nightmare.  The politics and garbage
are unending.  It's like working in a war zone, and the body count is
climbing.  So send happy thoughts Debbie's way.  This sucks. And she's
a way cool person, and daily lurker on this forum. Tara, give her a
call if you get a chance this weekend.

On the other hand, she'll probably get to go to Humanities Festival
for Neil's solo forum, while I will be working because a) they
scheduled him for 5:30 on a Friday afternoon (!) and b) I'm subbing for
one of my co-workers who'll be out on vacation, and can't leave 'til
6:00.  So, see, every cloud has a siver lining  :-)

I mailed off my application for a temporary teaching certification
today.  Am very excited about it.  It's taken 14 years for the bad
memories of my student teaching to fade enough that I might actually
want to go back into a classroom.  Yes, it was that bad.  The students
were great.  It was all the rest of it....<shudder>  Must...not
....think about it.....  

Mary (off to start Kavalier & Clay)  
  

    

Beams to Debbie!  You are in good company.  I have been unemployed myself
now for countless months.
  

    
 Got the Neverwhere VHS in the mail today...just finished watching it.
It was A LOT better than I thought it would be (save the "Beast" of
London) I'll probably watch it again tomorrow. I epecialy love the
interview at the end. "Look! Neil's nose close up! Oh! He's far away!
Close up! Zoom in on the eyes! Side view! Far away!" And the Blue
screen. Haha. Jess thought he was having a acid flashback for a while.
No, seriously.
The actors were good too I especially like Mr. Coupe (the credits went
by too quickly...didn't get his real name.) Will show all my friends
who have read the book tomorrow.

And, yes! Tell the Scary Trouser story!
  

    
Good opportunity mojo out to all the jobless; we're (Cam & I) are
right there with you. 
His job officially ended yesterday, with only some clean-up & wrap up
stuff still funded. No overtime, which we've been dependent on, even
before we had to put Sean into a private school (another story). No job
on the horizon, but there's a few months possible of lab work,
depending.
On the good side, no more 60-70 hour works weeks for Cam, either.

Maybe if somebody else asks, Neil will tell the Scary Trousers story.
So thank you, Erynn.
  

    
Neil- just read your new blogger entry and am so glad you mentioned
WALL; I'd thought about it just the other day, thinking of STARDUST,
and had meant to ask you about it here.  A question; have you mentioned
Jenny Kertin before?  The name seems very familiar for some reason,
and I can't figure out why.  I ran a search but came up with nothing,
but, for some reason, I'm sure I've heard her in connection with you. 
(I have to re-read AMERICAN GODS, because, the more I think about it,
the more I have a feeling she was mentioned there).

And thanks for the advice on the manuscript, but my other problem is
that no one's actually asked for the manuscript yet.  It's all just
queries now, and sample chapters, which is why I thought single spaced
was okay.  The second they ask for a manuscript, I'm going all out,
though <grin>.
  

    
I got an email from a lurker here yesterday ~ I see you, Patrizia! ~
and it made me wonder exactly how many lurkers we have here, and do I
know any of them? So all y'all pop out of the woodwork for a moment,
and let's count heads... only one head per, please.

Now off with the guys to see the Fossilized Dino Egg exhibit at
McClung Museum <http://mcclungmuseum.utk.edu/>...
  

    
Not quite gone yet...

Will, there's an article in MetroPulse about rejection letters that's
pretty funny & made me think of you...
http://www.metropulse.com/dir_zine/dir_2001/1135/t_yikes.htm
  

    
Janell--I hate to say it, but Neil is right. Without the accent, it
just isn't the same. You need to HEAR him tell the tale. Eddie Campbell
does do a pretty good job of it on paper in Bacchus, but it's nothing
compared to hearing Himself tell it.

Tree
Who needs to get some sleep and stop having five novel weekends.
  

    
Tree~didn't read him talking about the accent, but no biggie there...
If it's something Neil writes, I can hear it in his voice anyway.
  

    
I'm baaaaack... god, it feels good to be clean again.

Michelle, Kelly - Sorry I missed you guys. Kelly, I confess i forgot
where you were going to be camping. My bad. Michelle, I knocked
whenever I walked past your Gaiman Garden, but ... c'est la vie.

Len - Welcome to your thirties. Sorry to hear that you had to spend it
away from loved ones. For the longest time, I equated 30 with being an
honest-to-god-grownup. Now I find I need to redefine grownup.

Also, no... I've never dated someone who didn't like to read.. in fact
all the women I've dated pretty much have read more than I do.

Pamela - Thanks for the etiquette for the Barking Mad. Truly, words to
post by.

Madman - I seem to have managed to convert a large number of my
campmates to Sluggy Freelance by bringing the copies of the first two
books I got in the mail the day before leaving. One person said it was
like watching people read American Gods (which he had devoured in 48
hours). "Can't talk now. Reading."

John - Interesting idea about how to play Ophelia... consider it filed
for future reference and exploitation. At Burning Man there was a
shortened version of MacBeth that was quite exceptional. The end of the
show had the witches circling Malcolm and repeating their "where shall
we three meet again" speech.. which was an ending I had told a friend
I'd love to see a mere two weeks before. It was as if the director of
this show and I were sharing the same muse.

Debbie - HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!

Mercy... I'm now caught up
Dan
  

    
Dan-- Welcome back, and thanks.  It's really weird-- Bravo is running
a marathon of thirtysomething, which for me, when I was in high school,
was _the_ model of how grownups were supposed to act.  Now I _teach_
high school, and I find myself looking at the same people, thinking
that I'm not so far away from them, and seeing different aspects of
their characters now that I understand growing up a little differently.
 Ahh, perspective.

Between Northern Exposure and thirtysomething, one would think I do
nothing but watch tv all day... not true-- today I wasted a good two
hours on Age of Empires.

JaNell-- good luck!

Jinx-- five novel weekends are certainly better than five boring ones.

Re: baby poop-- If the stars are auspicious, I hope someday to have a
sprat myself; 'til that time, I hope never again to think about baby
poop as methodically and consistently as I did when reading the last
week's posts.

I consider myself pretty up on Gaiman arcana, but I confess a complete
ignorance of the scary trousers incident.

Did anyone at Burning Man run into my friend, Dr. Victor August/John
Olinyk?  He was bartering copies of his book, _Know Thyself, Show
Thyself_ and performing daily self-help rants.
  

    
Len~ is that good luck in general, or is there a specific referent?
Anyhow, thanks.
I love Northern Exposure but for me, well, tonight Cam said he's glad
to see me substitute four hours a day writing or webbing for four hours
a day of Law & Order...
  

    
JaNell-- Specifically referring to Cam's state of joblessness, though
feel free to apply it to anything you like!
  

    
Len~ Woo-hoo! All-Encompassing Good Luck! Thanks!
  

    
JaNell- thanks so much for the rejection link, and, really, thank God
it doesn't happen like that.  I'd've probably been on the receiving end
of one of each of those rejections.  But, of course, rejections are
most fun for those "Man, if they could see me now" moments.  I know
Amber would be kicking herself.

Dan- Welcome back, and I just can't say Sluggy Freelance rocks often
enough.  I wish I'd seen the MacBeth (maybe I'll get to Burning Man
next year; I think I'll be attending USC [which, I realize, is pretty
far off, but still not nearly as far as NYC]).

Mike- Don't think I mentioned it, so I'm agreeing with Dan now... That
would be really cool to see (Ophelia, I mean).  I sometimes think it's
a much better, and more real reaction, when characters simply shut
down rather than going loopy, as that is what so often happens in real
life.  Christina Ricci, though?

Much as I'd like to ask about the scary trousers story, I think I'll
wait to hear it in person.  I mean, hearing about fox and wolf urine on
pumpkins was just hysterical, so I can really only imagine.  Next time
I see you, Neil, I'll ask you about it.
  

    
    Will -- I had the thought about Ricci when all I'd seen her in was
the ADDAMS pictures, and her extraordinary quiet (one reviewer, I
think it was David Denby, called it "supernatural stillness") was quite
striking.  Now, of course, she's older and has done Other Stuff.  And,
of course, it's something that one could try with whoever was there to
play the part -- wouldn't take too much rehearsal to know if the
actress could carry it off.

    "So how do you want me to play this?"
    "Bunt."
  

    
E-mail from Margret:

Mary-  I just finished reading Kavalier & Clay.  I went through it
faster than (dare I say it) American Gods.  Perhaps the fact that I was
on vacation, and it rained a lot, had something to do with it.  Reg
bought it the first day of my trip to Australia.  I distracted him with
an US version of American Gods, and promptly stole Kavalier & Clay
away.  I nearly finished it before returning home last Thursday, but
since I still had a few chapters to go I had to bring it with me to read
on the plane.  I hope he gets a new copy soon, because it will be awhile
before he sees this one again. :)

Margret (who had a great time in Australia, and didn't spend all of it
reading)
  

    
Mike- I actually saw Ms. Ricci in BLESS THE CHILD just yesterday. 
It's strange; I thought the acting really just clunked in several
different places, and in the beginning it was rather distracting, but
fifteen or twenty minutes through I'd forgotten to think about it, and
was just enjoying the story.  Ricci had a tiny part, but Rufus Sewell
played a pretty evil Satanist.