by Debbie Ann Wertheim
c.1996
My boss and I are becoming good friends outside of work. This is also his last week as my boss, he's moving on to another job. We have often talked about sin and penance and punishment and redemption. He knows I'm into SM. I've been trying for awhile to get him to give me penance for mistakes I made, and in the past he has suggested things that were too impossible, or other things that he wasn't willing to carry out. Last week I made so many mistakes, and they were careless mistakes that I could have avoided by double-checking my own work, and they were mistakes that caused him to have to do more work, that he actually did give me penance. He said I had to copy this variance report (that directly relates to my mistakes) out twice. And so I came home and did it. It took me two hours.
It was a pretty intense experience. The whole time I was copying it, I wondered if I was being stupid, if he really expected me to do it. And I also thought seriously about my mistakes while I was copying it, and how I could avoid the mistakes, and how I tended to think of myself as somehow above careless mistakes. It was actually a pretty intense mixture of thoughtfulness, and frustration. I did think, well, I've worked pretty hard to get David to do this, I really have to follow through, even if I think he was half joking, and not really going to ask for it the next day. It was tedious.
So I took it in today, and I felt a little scared of saying I had done it, so I very casually said I had done it, while we were walking down the hall, and David said, well show it to me. We got back to our desks, and I gave it to him, and he says, do I have to inspect it, which somehow for me was the perfect thing to say. I said he could, if he wanted to. And then he asked me if it was hateful, and I said it was, but it was also a good learning experience, and I was glad I had done it, and that I had thought about how I could avoid such mistakes in the future, and how the mistakes wasted not only my time, but a lot of other people's time. David said that he'd probably make mistakes too, if he had to do the same work.
It was great. It was somehow this perfect little scene. Interestingly enough, there was nothing really erotic about it. I didn't think about it and masturbate, either before or after, and I wasn't aroused during, but I was somehow emotionally more content. I'm not sure it was exactly submission, if anything I sort of pushed David into doing it, but it was also entirely within his nature. He understood the entire event on every level, it was just that we both knew that it isn't exactly how normal business life usually works, and that to some extent we were treading on some unusual territory, but we also both knew it was a place we wanted to go. It was a goodbye gift of sorts, on both our parts. There are not that many people I would do that for, and no other boss that I can think of would I have done that for, but for us it was the perfect thing. I've never seen David abuse his power, but there is definitely a lot of top energy in him, and it is all the best qualities of a top.
I do wonder what the future will bring. He won't be my boss, so we won't get to interact on that level. We are friends though, and I go over his house and hang out. I hope we get to talk more about penance.
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