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New Age

U is for UFO

UFOs are saucer-shaped things that fly to Earth from Outer Space. Generally they contain Outer Space Beings. These Beings are either small and green, or large and blue, depending on the preferences of the person who sees them.

People who have met these Strange Persons say they are here to save us. People saw lots of UFOs in the 1950's when we all thought we were going to atom bomb ourselves to death. Now that it looks there are lots of ways to do ourselves in, people are seei ng lots of UFOs again.

Do you think there is a connection? Some people think the Outer Space Beings really do want to save us.

Not from anything. For.


U is for UNITY

UNITY means that We are all One. This popular New Age Concept means that that son-of-a-bitch who almost ran you off the road is cosmically connected with you and you aren't allowed to get mad at him.

Yes, New Age People do have trouble with Unity at times.

V is for VIBES

VIBES are energy vibrations that people send out.

People either have Good Vibes, or Bad Vibes. If you have Good Vibes, people like to be with you. If you have Bad Vibes, you probably don't have a lot of friends. If you have no Vibes at all, you are probably rather dead and unlikely to be reading this.

New Age People can sense Vibes as soon as they walk into a room. If the people in the room are the way they want them to be, they have Good Vibes. If they have certain different opinions, they have Bad Vibes.

This is an ancient mystical law called the Law of Attractive Resonance, or the "Birds of a Feather" Principle.

V is for VOID

VOID is that from which everything was created. One who is enlightened (See ENLIGHTENMENT) and "in Void" is said to have an empty mind.

From that description, it sounds like lots of New Age People are "in Void".

Void empty mind, however, is different. It means no opinions, no beliefs, no prejudices, and no Karma (See KARMA).

We guess maybe there aren't so many New Age People "in Void" after all.


WHOLE EARTH means the entire planet on which we live. The symbol of the Whole Earth is a picture of the Earth taken from space. It shows a beautiful blue-green gem shining in the black void of space.

Unfortunately that jewel in space is covered with a lot of people who believe in Part Earth. And they generally think their part is better than the other parts.

Whole Earth People tend to think the whole thing is pretty nice. And that there's really no way to divide the thing into parts anyhow.

Well, there is one way. But it's unlikely anybody would be able to put it back together again.

We think Whole Earth is a pretty good idea.

X is for X-RAYS

X-RAYS are funny little things that you use to look inside bodies. New Age People don't like X-Rays because they mess up the electromagnetic field of the body (See AURA) and make everything go wonky.

Do you want a wonky body? Of course not. Help fight the Battle Against X-Rays. Write your local medical association.

Y is for YIN/YANG

YIN/YANG is an ancient Oriental concept. Because it is very ancient, it is automatically considered to be very profound by New Age People. There's nothing like ancient wisdom to impress the hell out of New Age People, and Yin/Yang is about as ancient as wisdom can get.

Yin/Yang means that everything has its opposite within it. Every Yin has a little Yang inside, and every Yang contains a little Yin.

What this means to New Age People is that everything that seems one way is really kind of the other way too. And that opposites aren't really opposed because in some way they're already like their opposition.

Therefore, since nothing is really what it seems -- and generally more like what it doesn't seem -- there's not much sense in worrying about anything because it's not what we thought it was anyhow.

Don't you find this ancient wisdom reassuring? We'll bet your life's starting to feel enriched already.

Y is for YOGA

YOGA is a way of bending the body into different shapes so that it will be healthier.

Lots of people now do Yoga. It hasn't necessarily made them any healthier, but it sure has made them good at bending their bodies into different shapes.

Z is for ZEN


ZEN is everything. It is the indefinable made manifest. (Or is it the manifest made indefinable? Zen can be very confusing.)

Anyway, in addition to being everything, Zen is also nothing. Therefore it is not necessary to do Zen. Nevertheless, there are special places called Zen monasteries where people do Zen, which of course they were already doing even when they weren't doin g Zen.

If all this makes sense to you, you are a True New Age Person, and should pass the address for this Web site on to a friend.

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Copyright © 1996 (and earlier) by Mick Winter