BARDO is the Tibetan word for the place where we go after death and before rebirth (See REINCARNATION). Catholics call this place Purgatory. It is a kind of Cosmic Waiting Room where souls hang out before their next assignment to a new physical body.

Some people claim the Bardo is boring because there is nothing to do except be with yourself. Others say it is terrifying because there is nothing to do except be with yourself. They all agree it's not a lot of fun.

The only cure is to get enlightened (See ENLIGHTENMENT) which evidently makes the Bardo easy to put up with. This, unfortunately, requires spiritual work in this lifetime, which is awfully inconvenient when there's so much good stuff on television.

Of course all this weird, bizarre talk about the Bardo is probably total nonsense and we don't have to worry about it a bit.

We hope.

B is for BERMUDA TRIANGLE

The BERMUDA TRIANGLE is a place in the Atlantic Ocean where things disappear a lot. Big things like boats and airplane squadrons. Little things like people.

Some people think the Bermuda Triangle is where Atlantis used to be. They say an old Atlantean laser beam occasionally zaps things into oblivion. Others say it's an underwater UFO airport and that the UFO people like to collect visitors. Still others t hink it's a hole in reality that occasionally opens up so that things fall through into another universe.

We have no idea what the Bermuda Triangle is, but then we're still trying to figure out the Patagonian Hexagon and the Wichita Square, and they're supposed to be simple.

C is for CHAKRA.

CHAKRA means "wheel" in Sanskrit. Sanskrit is a favorite New Age language because it is very mystical. It is very mystical because its sounds have a mystical effect on human beings. For example, "wheel" probably doesn't do much for you but try saying " chakra" over and over and see what happens. Hmmm.

Chakras are energy centers in your body that spin around like little wheels (see, those Sanskrit people knew what they were talking about) producing energy which keeps you alive.

New Age People say we have seven chakras in our body. Each chakra has a different color and a different purpose. For instance, the red chakra produces sexual energy (Aha! That one works, doesn't it?).

If you meditate on your chakras, they will start to "open", and strange New Age things will start to happen. No, wait! Don't open that one until you have... Oh, oh. Too late. Well, you're in for it now.

Have an interesting New Age.

C is for CHANNELING

CHANNELING is what Channels do. A Channel is a person who does channeling. Is that clear?

Let's try again. Suppose someone is dead (or at least highly-evolved and not in a body) and wants to talk to people who are still alive (or at least hanging out in a body).

Okay, one more time. Suppose higher entities want to talk to us lower entities. They can't talk directly to most of us because our minds are too busy to listen. So they find someone whose mind isn't as active to act as a channel. This person channels i nformation from the higher entity to us lower entities.

Naturally the channel charges for this information, but that's only so the channel can continue to provide this valuable public service.

Channeling is very popular these days. It seems the other dimensions are filled with entities with something to say. In fact, so many of us lower entities are becoming channels ourselves that soon we may all be channels.

Everybody will talking and nobody will be listening.

Guess that's what the New Age is all about.

C is for CHRISTIANS

CHRISTIANS are people who advocate the teachings of a man named Jesus Christ (See JESUS).

Note: There are also people who actually follow these teachings as well, but nobody knows much about them.

No one is quite sure if Christianity is "relevant" anymore. Many New Age People used to be Christians but moved on because they thought Christianity was too old-fashioned.

For some reason older religions like Hinduism, Sufism, and Buddhism are considered more modern.

They're certainly more fashionable.

C is for CONSCIOUSNESS

CONSCIOUSNESS is what all good New Age People are concerned with. Some are trying to raise it, some are trying to clarify it, some are trying to get more of it, others are trying to expand it, and most are still trying to figure out what it is.

One thing New Age People are sure about is that their Consciousness is better than the stuff everybody else has. (See SPIRITUALITY.)

C is for CRYSTALS

CRYSTALS are pretty rocks. They are considered to be better than other pretty rocks because they vibrate.

Of course vibrators vibrate too. But they're used for different purposes. (Ouch. We hope so.)

It used to be that you could buy pretty rocks like crystals for a few cents. Now they go for $10 and up. Way up.

People use crystals to make contact with higher intelligences. People who pay that kind of money for rocks obviously need contact with higher intelligences.

D is for DON JUAN

DON JUAN is an old man in Mexico who was discovered by a man in California named Carlos Castaneda. It is not quite clear if Carlos is a writer dreaming he is a sorcerer's apprentice or a sorcerer's apprentice dreaming he is a writer. His publisher has always thought Carlos is great stuff, and doesn't much care who is dreaming what.

Carlos' books on Don Juan have continued to be very popular. They have made their readers very suspicious of everything they thought was real.

Well, almost everything. Everything except Don Juan and Carlos.

D is for DRUGS

DRUGS are things which people put in their mouths, arms, or noses to feel different. People take them to wake up, go to sleep, liven up, calm down, see things, stop seeing things, feel better, or stop feeling at all. Others take them just to pass the ti me.

Some Drugs are legal. They make lots of money for Tobacco and Liquor Companies. Other drugs are kind of legal. They make lots of money for Pharmaceutical Companies. Still other drugs aren't legal at all. They make lots of money for farmers, self-empl oyed businessmen, politicians, bankers, and government and law enforcement agencies.

No one knows if there will be Drugs in the New Age.

We hope so. Otherwise, the New Age could be real tough to get through.

E is for ENLIGHTENMENT

ENLIGHTENMENT is what all Genuine New Age People are after. Nobody really knows what it is, but everyone agrees it must be better than being unenlightened, which is what we've got now.

People believe that if you are Enlightened you will never have any problems again. You will have all the money and things you need (although you won't care about them) and you can spend the rest of your life (or lives) just grooving with Nature and God. (See separate listings).

There are, admittedly, some Spiritual Teachers who claim that after you become Enlightened your work has only just begun.

They have few followers.

E is for ESP

ESP means Extra-Sensory Perception. ESP includes mental powers like mind-reading (telepathy), telling the future (precognition), and describing the previous owner of an object (psychometry - as when a wife psychometrizes a blond hair on her husband's coat.)

Many people think we will all have ESP in the New Age. Although no one has quite explained how we're going to have marvelous, highly-trained minds in the future when we barely use the old-fashioned ones we've got now.