Topic 4 Bad Information
flash gordon, md (flash)
NATURAL FOOD UNHEALTHY
the american medical associations committee on
nutrition and diet announced that "natural
foods" and a "balanced diet" have
been found to be inherently unhealthy, according
to copywrited u.p.i. story.
"basically, eating just `health' food lets your
liver become `lazy'" said dr. justin plonk, in an
interview today after the closing ceremony of the
committee's annual meeting.
"we find that it is necessary to exercise your
liver just like you'd exercise any other
part of your body. complex carbohydrates, sugars,
proteins, and fats are no challenge.
heck, your liver could metabolize
those substances in your sleep. To give it a
really good workout, we recommend eating food
with lots of preservatives and additives. since
the information on how to process those
chemicals isn't genetically pre-programmed
into your system, it has to do some real work
to keep detoxifying them. this 'exercise'
makes your system stronger and more
able to resist other pollutants, chemicals,
and various contaminants we all encounter in
our everyday life."
american medical news, april 31, 1986
Topic 4 Bad Information
Judy Malloy (badinfo)
A recent experiment at the University of
California showed that eating just two mice
a week greatly reduces the risk of lung
cancer, breast cancer, and cancer of the
prostrate. The UC scientists stress that the
entire mouse should be eaten. Do not leave the
tail and claws on your plate.
Topic 4 Bad Information
John Coate (tex)
Lobotomy is an effective treatment
for migraine headaches.
Topic 4 Bad Information
Dan Levy (danlevy)
STRESS DIET WORKS
A joint study released today by the
National Institute of Health and the
National Institute of Mental Health,
and published by the New England
Journal of Medicine, indicates that
stress is a powerful calorie burner.
It has been estimated that one hour
of good, solid worry burns as many
calories as a thirty minute jog.
Many of the participants in the test
reported seeing excess pounds "melt
away" simply by fretting in the
privacy of their own homes. Doctors
at NIH report that the resulting
effects on the human heart are
negligible in relation to the salutary
effects of weight loss. Not
surprisingly, commercial interests have
been quick to exploit these findings;
a joint venture between Pacific
Gas & Electric and Chevron has been
formed to develop a generator
that would allow an average-sized
adult to power an electric car
at speeds of up to 45 miles per hour
simply by thinking about his
or her parents.
