Topic 4 Bad Information
Tom Mandel (mandel)
Computers never make mistakes.
Topic 4 Bad Information
Judy Malloy (badinfo)
Computers make everything easy.
Topic 4 Bad Information
Howard Rheingold (hlr)
AI BREATHROUGH!
True artificial intelligence has been achieved
by a group of midnight programmers, working
in Prolog on a Vax 11/750 located in
Sausa>*&#@$Q#$@ JJ<> W${EUS NP":JGB"R?GNB:
IUP nnn,; 9ih n>>=++v
Topic 4 Bad Information
MATTHEW MCLURE (WELL)
CURE FOR SLOW RESPONSE TIME
Thanks to our online Unix Wizards, we have
installed a new system that should totally
eliminate all Picospan slowdowns. If the WELL
seems to be acting sluggish, get down on all
fours and lick your computer. That ought
to fix things up. If the slowdown effect lingers,
call me here at the Well office. The
phones aren't working too well these days,
so be sure to shout your message as loudly as
possible.
Topic 4 Bad Information
Judy Malloy (badinfo)
Will your software run on your new IBM clone?
If not, Bad Information suggests the following
procedure:
Put the disk that won't work in the middle
of a round table. If you are a man, put on a
blue suit and conservative tie. If you are a
woman, put on an apron. Put a lighted blue candle
in the disk's hole. Run around the table
15 times , eating a frozen pepporoni pizza.
Note: you have to run very fast.
It won't work if you run slowly.
Topic 4 Bad Information
David Hawkins (dhawk)
IBM produces state-of-the-art computers.
Pushing technology to its limits\
Topic 4 Bad Information
Judy Malloy (badinfo)
BAD INFORMATION presents TIDYFILE
a DBMS for every filing situation
10 REM TIDYFILE BY JUDY MALLOY
20 HOME : SPEED= 5: PRINT "TIDYFILE"
30 SPEED= 255: PRINT : PRINT : FLASH
: PRINT "A PERFECT FILER"
40 NORMAL : PRINT : PRINT : PRINT
"WHAT IS YOUR NAME"
50 INPUT NAME$
60 PRINT : PRINT : PRINT "HELLO "NAME$
70 PRINT "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO
CALL YOUR FILES"
80 INPUT FILE$
90 PRINT : PRINT : PRINT "WOULD "FILE$
100 PRINT "FIT INTO:"
110 PRINT : PRINT
120 PRINT " A SMALL WASTEBASKET"
130 PRINT " A TRASH CAN"
140 PRINT " A DEMPSEY DUMPSTER"
150 PRINT " SAN FRANCISCO BAY"
160 INPUT CHOICE$
165 SPEED= 5: PRINT " ": INVERSE
167 REM FOR BELLS AND WHISTLES PUT 3
CTRL-G'S BETWEEN THE QUOTES IN 165
170 PRINT : PRINT : PRINT "TO SOLVE
YOUR FILING PROBLEMS, "
180 PRINT "DUMP "FILE$" IN "CHOICE$
185 SPEED= 255: NORMAL
190 PRINT : PRINT "DO YOU HAVE ANY
MORE FILES, "NAME$
200 PRINT "YES OR NO"
210 INPUT ANSWER$
220 IF ANSWER$ = "YES" THEN GOTO 70
230 IF ANSWER$ = "NO" THEN GOTO 240
240 PRINT : PRINT "GOODBYE, "NAME$
250 PRINT "DON'T FORGET TO USE"
260 FLASH : PRINT "TIDYFILE"
270 NORMAL : PRINT "THE NEXT TIME
YOU HAVE FILING PROBLEMS!"
280 END
